Exhausted, People.
Maybe I’m getting too old for this shit. Not comedy. The 4-5 show weekend. It’s fine. It’s what I’ve done all my life but I put a lot into it. There’s no autopilot function. By the end of that last show on Saturday night I’m drained.
That mixture of being wiped out and totally adrenalized. Beneath that is the assessment of the work, the reflecting on the new bits, moments. Then eating whatever is around in the hotel room. Watching TV at one in the morning to come down.
The life.
I watched most of The Matrix on network TV with commercials. I’ve always thought the movie was a smart metaphor. When you watch it with commercials AND you watch the commercials it seems to take on a deeper meaning. More a truth than a metaphor.
It’s interesting to me what rolls around in my brain. What I lock into. Portals to thought. Some recurring. When I’m on the road just walking around, thinking, writing things down, talking to strangers, going to restaurants and record stores. That seems to be the bulk of the work. And napping.
I got hung up on a couple of quotes the last couple of days. Wilheim Reich’s “Fascism is the frenzy of sexual cripples” which is just a satisfying way to look at the world without going too deep into the actual horror facing us. The other is Neiztche’s “Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss the abyss gazes also into you.” He’s clearly talking about our phones. The elaborate hand held abyss that dictates much of our thoughts. Our manufactured reflection, based on correlated desires. The demonic algorithms that possess us and our choices. Good luck with the free-thinking.
I do like Denver. I’ve been going there for years. It’s a true Western town. It definitely has its own vibe as an American city. I’ve been there enough to know a few places I like to go. Creme Coffee on Larimer and Wax Tracks records. Good hangs.
Even as I get more paranoid to travel in my own country for a variety of reasons, I’m always overreacting to possibilities of fear and horrors my brain churns out, so far. Too much time locked in with the elaborate abyss. It's a big world out there. I’m not going to say that most people are innately good or decent. I would say that most are scared and sad, angry, wary of strangers. Programmed by their choices and what gazes back at them. I feel it. I think.
There was an actual cowboy convention at my hotel. Some farm related confab. A lot of hats and boots. I grew up in the Southwest. It wasn’t odd to me but I did feel like an alien. I was in an elevator with a couple of them. They were talking about the wolf problem and whether or not a certain type of dog would help keep the wolves at bay. I don’t think it was code. I knew it was literal. It does work as a metaphor for the world somewhat, either side.
Converging on a show after a day in the head is a jarring transition. Shifting focus. All the shows were actually very good. Sold out. Great audiences. Thanks, Denver.
For those in the loop, Charlie seems to have made a full recovery. He’s back to his asshole kitten self. It’s a relief.
I have to get ready for Thanksgiving. The big solo cookoff in Florida. It will be the first time I see my family since my aunt died. I’m glad I’m going but it may be heavy. The heaviness that is unavoidable. The weight of regular human life.
Damn, this missive has been dense. What can I say? I’m flying on Southwest as I write this. It doesn’t bring up the happy stuff.
Today I have a very exciting conversation with Taika Waititi about his movies, TV shows and life. I love his work. Gifted guy. On Thursday I have a unique chat with my optometrist, Dr. Elliott Caine, who is first and foremost a seasoned jazz trumpeter. Great talks.
Enjoy!
Happy Thanksgiving, if possible!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
