Mind-Blowing Events.

A bit of relief, People.

I’m weird. Emotionally screwed up. I have a handle on it for the most part. I accept who I am, ish. 

It’s exciting when new information that pertains to who you think you are gets introduced into your brain. It’s also good when new information about the world based on someone else’s point of view or perception informs your own. It’s also good when your expectations are hijacked by reality and they are completely different, for better or worse. 

There are mind-blowing moments. I like to have my mind blown. It doesn’t get blown by just anything surprising. It gets blown when new territory is opened up in my mind and it spreads and informs everything else. Or when a burden is lifted and that frees up more mental space. 

I had a few mind-blowing events happen over the last week. As some of you know I went to NYC last week to do a music show and check out the potential venue for my HBO special taping in May. I was nervous about the music show. I was excited about the venue but I hadn’t seen it in person. 

The biggest revelation that happened came through an email from a listener who was responding to my musings about possibly having ADHD. This was new to me and quite a few listeners have been chiming in about it. Primarily around discussions or mentions of narcissism which I know I don’t have. I have too much self awareness and guilt, dread and conscience to have that. I always assume I had some traits of it because I grew up with it in my father.

A listener named Cameron wrote about ADHD:

‘We are attempting to orient ourselves to the new information but what it looks like is self-centered behavior, in part because it is but it's not because of narcissism… People with ADHD's self-concept or sense of self fades when we are not doing the things that matter most to us. People think of misplacing keys as the example of memory challenges. We misplace our sense of self. So when you perform music at Largo the experience is always better than the thoughts that lead up to it. I teach and when I teach I am reminded of what matters to me. Our experience informs our sense of self providing important feedback loops.’

What!? We misplace our sense of self. That nugget will change everything for me. I doubt I’ll go get diagnosed or seek medication. I tend to use a cognitive approach and information that changes my understanding and/or perception is helpful. 

So, as I wander the world wondering where my self is while I converge on things that matter, anxiety rules. 

Just to lay out the events of the last week without writing a book here:

I’ve been reading a book that I barely understand by the author Olivier Roy called The Crisis of Culture about the predicament of the reality (or lack thereof) that we are living in and it’s informing some of my own perceptions and informing some of the creative work I’m doing. Mind-blowing. 

I played the gig in NYC and I believe I played better than I ever have and was actually happy about it for a few days. Mind-blowing. 

I went to the Comedy Cellar which I usually avoid for many reasons. One being that I decided I wasn’t really welcomed there. The other being that I have an estranged friend that I haven’t really spoken to in years that is there a lot. The last being that I just haven’t set foot on that stage in years and I was nervous about it like I was when I was starting out there. 

So, I found myself and thought, ‘I’m Marc Maron. I belong there as much as any other comic that came up there.’

I went. Saw the old friend and it was fine. We spoke for the first time in years. I did a spot and it was great. Everyone was relatively happy to see me there. Mind-blowing. 

This whole anxiety/misplaced self business leads to fear and speculation and most of the time it isn’t real. 

Big week. 

Today I talk to Jesse Eisenberg about his new movie A Real Pain and other stuff. Intense guy. Thursday I talk to comedian Andy Blitz who I haven’t really talked to in years about the old days of Luna Lounge and what’s he’s doing now. 

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

The Untethered Mind.

Back in LA, People.

New Mexico was good. I had time to think. Too much. 

There was no TV where I was staying and I tried to stay off the phone and the computer. I have to be honest. My brain untethered from distraction is not the greatest neighborhood. I’m trying to clean it up. Do some repairs. Some of the structures up there are so old and the foundations so solid they are hard to tear down. Maybe I’ll just move some new stuff into them. That seems to work. Brighten them up a bit. 

I’m happy I feel the need to spend time with my dad. Some of you have commented that it’s odd given what I have said about him and our relationship in the past. I say, not really. My father and I have had our ups and downs but busting his balls has always been part of the dynamic. It may be one of the reasons I became a comic. 

If you have selfish, needy parents who have no real boundaries and see you as an extension of them instead of a separate person when you are child it leads to a crisis of self. That’s what I have grown to believe. Given that, either you disappear or you push back. That pushing back could be for a lifetime on some level. A little bit of fuck you goes a long way with vampiric parents. I mean, you’re not going to feel great about yourself but at least you’ll have some space to figure it out. 

Oddly, that is exactly why I started to do comedy. To have control of some space of my own. I don’t think it was really entertaining for a few years but I figured it out. I leaned in. My biggest fear when I was younger was being embarrassed by my mother or just being embarrassed by life. There is no way to confront that fear radically other than doing possibly the most embarrassing job. Not embarrassing on an appearance level or an economic level but by putting yourself out there to possibly be rejected. Even to the extent of courting rejection in order to try to defy it. I mean, it’s important to be funny and most of what I am talking about I realized later but it seems to make sense to me. 

To this day, sometimes when I do comedy, I feel like my entire sense of self is on the line. That is exactly the way my relationship was with my parents before I could fight it. 

As I’m writing this some of this is just becoming clear to me. Exciting. Thankfully I have a craft in place that will override the need to make everything cringey. Though I still enjoy a bit of that. Keeps shit real. 

I can just be funny now. 

I was very excited to talk to Luca Guadagnino. When we booked him on the show I had no idea his new film Queer was based on the William Burroughs book. I’ve been obsessed with Burroughs most of my adult life. I still can't really wrap my head around his work entirely but I do know it blows my mind anytime I pick any of it up and start reading. 

To talk to someone for an hour about their work and the work of Burroughs was a real treat. 

The antidote to the untethered mind. Talking to other humans in an open way. In this case, talking about someone who untethered their mind and let it go further out than almost anyone in the name of personal expression. 

On Thursday, I talk to Dwight Yoakam. His new album is great but the talk we had was just as good. He’s a historian and storyteller. I’m not even sure I needed to be there. I’m glad I was though. We listened to Creedence on my couch after the talk. Good times. 

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

A Familiar Corner.

Back in Burque, Folks.

Been home in New Mexico for a few days. Heading up to see the old man today. I don’t know what to expect but I know I can't expect him to be better. It’s kind of amazing that I am the age I am and I still have a dad alive at all. And a mom! Who I can't seem to get to pick up her phone. I’m doing my part. 

I think I am having some old guy mental phenomenon happening. Maybe specifically childless old guy stuff. I think if you have kids your sense of time passing is different. You can see it in your kids. It hits me out of nowhere and somewhat suddenly. 

Maybe something is shorting out in my brain. I don’t know. 

I was standing outside a theater in Los Angeles last week. I have been there many times over the years since I’ve lived in LA. Which is on and off but mostly on since 2002. Twenty-two years. That number just stopped me in my tracks for some reason. I was standing on a familiar corner and I could remember all the times I had been there with many different people, friends, girlfriends, a wife. It was bits and pieces and it all seemed so far away and so immediate simultaneously. 

I knew some of the events were a long time ago now but I couldn’t really account for time since they happened. It was like my mind couldn’t process time. It was past but all present. Like it all happened last week. Like everything that's happened in the years I can remember happened yesterday. It was as if the gap between the past and the present was lifted but everything seemed far away but all one experience. My life. I don’t know if I’m explaining it clearly. 

I was looking at the last 22 years all at once and I felt like I was separate from it. It was a kind of grief. It was all behind me but alive and active in my mind. The memories that fight to be held. The place they hold in my mind is/was alive in a place in time and it’s conflicting with what is now. The present.

My memories become a parallel universe that I’m living in outside of myself. That I have to engage with. I guess the memories that make us who we are happen to be the ones we revisit enough to define our thinking about who we are. Some are connected to scars, souvenirs of a past. 

Apparitions of life experience are haunting my aging vessel. I’m happy to have them. 

Maybe when I come home to Albuquerque it grounds me in a way where I have the space to recollect. Or just collect. Bits and pieces of my life swirling around in my mind. I have to stop them one at a time, grab them and connect them to the story. Make them linear. 

Seeing my dad as his memories fade and disappear along with his basic ability to function also weighs heavy on me. 

I guess I’m scared of the ghosts leaving. What else do we have?

Today I talk to Anthony Jeselnik again. Just catching up. It’s been years since he’s been on. On Thursday I talk to Steve Furey. A very funny guy I’ve gotten to know recently whose mom is going to be very excited he’s on the show. 

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

Rare Magical Beings.

Ringo, People.

I met Ringo Starr. 

I know maybe you think because I interview so many people and have met so many people that it’s not a big deal. I learned my lesson when I talked to Paul. I wasn’t as excited as I should’ve been because I consider myself a John person. Ridiculous. Meeting a Beatle is like meeting a wizard. They literally changed the world. After seeing that Get Back documentary my entire perception of them changed and it was confirmed that they are rare magical beings. 

The situation was a bit odd. 

I went to an art opening. Lily Kwong has a show here in LA. She does very interesting, beautiful, photogram-type work that involves plants with various photographic processing techniques. She’s married to Nick Kroll. When I was there I saw a few people I knew. Ed Helms was one of them. I don’t think we’d seen each other since he was on the show wheezing from cat allergies in my old garage more than a decade ago. I didn’t stop the episode to help him. Needed to get that hour.  I don’t think he’s been avoiding me because of that. Maybe. 

Anyway, he was about to leave and I asked him where he was going. He said he was going to an event and he didn’t know what to expect. It was a listening party for Ringo’s new record. It reminded me that I had been invited by T-Bone Burnett out of nowhere weeks ago and forgot about it. I don’t generally love a quick change of plans but I thought, ‘Fuck it. I want to be in a room with Ringo Starr.’

So, I went down there. It was at Village Recording Studios in Santa Monica which is famous, I think. 

There were about maybe 50 people there. I was looking for people I knew. It was a true Boomer music industry event. A lot of proud gray hair there. There were what seemed to be OG rock and hippie women there with their long silver hair. It was kind of awesome. The men just looked like old music dudes. The guys from The Milk Carton Kids were there who I had met at Conan years ago. I hung with them. 

Ed Begley and his wife were there. They’re sweet. Joe Walsh was there. I reintroduced myself to him. He’s been on the show. He was polite. I don’t think he had any idea who I was. Stephen Stills was there. He seemed very intimidating to me. His wife was nice. It was cool to meet him. I get nervous and excited but I always want to talk longer. This was not the place. 

Ringo came in and I kind of rushed over to meet him. He was with some other old music dudes. One of whom liked my Richard Lewis tribute. So, we all talked about how much we missed Richard. It was sweet. 

Ringo was so Ringo. It was amazing. He was funny. He looked great. It was actually a real thrill to share the space with these folks. The record is great. Maybe I’ll get to talk to him someday. 

The vacuum situation has settled down. Thanks for all your input. 

Today I talk to the amazing Cynthia Erivo about Wicked and life and music and acting. Thursday I talk to Rosemarie DeWitt about her work and Lynn Shelton. Good week. 

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

Actual Free Speech.

Okay, Folks.

I’m an insecure guy. A defensive guy. I can be reactive and cranky. It all comes from a painful sensitivity that is almost self erasing. That sensitivity has evolved over the years. An empathy has grown over the years as well. When I was younger, I was a selfish, toxic fuck of a person at times. I did all the dark, shocking jokes. I pushed the barriers of taste and correctness. I took chances. That's how you grow as an artist and a person. You learn from that. You should anyway. I did. 

I have been humbled by age and experience, grief and disappointment, life. All that has enabled me, as an older person, to open my heart a bit and behave in a conscientious way. 

For me, politics has always been cultural. I’m not a dummy. I know that the system has been sold out and is mostly just a money laundering front for corporate interests and greed. But if the middle management, the President, was at least fostering some empathy and tolerance and embracing the cultural ideas of democracy, I was okay with it. 

Free speech.

I’ve never said anything other than you can say whatever you want. We’ve always been able to say whatever we want. Sometimes, there were consequences culturally that were damning. Sometimes there were consequences from business interests that aligned themselves with sensitivity and empathy toward a perceived marginalized group. Any consequences for saying anything is seen by the right as censorship and an indicator of wokeness. 

Corporations aren’t generally woke. They aren’t acting out of the goodness of their corporate hearts but instead to protect their bottom lines. Which most have realized they don’t have to do anymore. 

So, what are the parameters of this ‘Freedom of Speech’ platform that is so important to the new majority? To the point that they don’t care how much blood they get on their hands, how many vulnerable lives they destroy, or how much terror they put in the hearts of vulnerable Americans. Is that just a small price to pay for this idea of freedom of speech? Which, as seen in their actions, is utterly conditional. 

I mean, what is woke? What is this enemy? 

It seems to be if you speak from a place of:

Sensitivity
Empathy
Vulnerability (or on behalf of the vulnerable)
Fear (personal or for the world)
Anger at being targeted or suppressed
Anger in service of defending the freedom to live the way you want to live in what is supposed to be a free country
Concern for others less fortunate or unable to defend themselves

It seems that in the face of the this new majority, the response to these expressions of speech is:

‘Shut the fuck up.’ 

That's a directive. That can logically be followed by:

‘Or I’ll shut you up.’

A threat.

So, to be clear, the freedom of speech they are always going on about and what they are willing to fight for, despite the collapse of the system and the cruelty that will come from that, is totally conditional and in the service of complete suppression of actual free speech. They are now the censors. It’s not corporate. It’s ideological and it has nothing to do with the constitution. It is the censorship of terrorizing speech and likely with acts of terror but hopefully not. Who knows?

Today I talk to the great Jessica Lange. On Thursday Josh Brolin came back to talk again. Love that guy. 

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live.

Love,
Maron

Just Vote.

Well, People.

In a couple of days it will be a whole new country. Stability or chaos. 

Those are the choices. 

I assume you’ve all done what you had to do. Voted. 

I guess we’ll eventually adapt to whatever happens. I hope it’s adjusting to new possibilities of tolerance, fairness, justice and democracy. 

I will never fully understand how some people get so brain-addled as to justify and/or rationalize the insanity of a thoroughly unstable grifting candidate for any kind of office. Whether it’s pseudo-libertarian nihilistic chaos junkies or tear-it-all-down lefties or emotionally broken trauma survivors who only know angry entitlement and vengeance. I get the Christians. I get the straight-up fascists. 

I don’t get the people I know personally who think it’s a good direction for the country. 

I assume it’s because of shallowness, disengagement. Not really understanding the existential threat to our system. Thinking it’s just another election or that he really doesn’t mean what he says. Or some other complex, conspiratorial bullshit. 

The horrors possible of even the first week of a Trump presidency could destabilize the culture, the economy and thousands of lives of people of color, LGBTQ people, immigrants, people who believe in tolerance, empathy and the democratic idea. Destabilize for good. 

They are talking annihilation. Whether they mean it or not the effect is annihilating. When people become afraid to speak or shout or protest or have contrary ideas or to be themselves the impact is the same. You can only hope that they won’t start killing to make an example to those who think or believe differently. 

I know it sounds extreme and I am not freaking out. I am rational. I see what is here and what could be coming. 

It is not a stretch. We are spoiled with distractions. We are self-centered in our small lives. 

But the worst of humanity and civilization has happened over and over all over the world for centuries. Even here. 

Why not here right now?

Just vote. Speak out. It matters. 

Today I talk to comedian Mo Mandel. Thursday I talk to comedian Robby Hoffman. Great talks. 

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love, 
Maron

The Democratic Idea.

Anxious, Folks.

We’re all anxious I assume. 

It’s funny. I don’t do a political show but I am very political. Innately. I keep up. I read too many clickbait pieces. I waver between almost uncontrollable fear and, not really hope, but just fantasizing for an outcome that will guarantee the progress of culture and freedom of mind for everyone. 

Once tolerance is removed from the dialogue, democracy suffocates. 

Even though I do not do a political show I have been very clear in my specials and on the podcast that I believe, and have believed for years, what is brewing in this country is an American fascist movement rooted half in grievance and half in Jesus and enabled by tech oligarchs and an inundation of propaganda from many sources. 

Well, it's fully percolated and pouring into the minds of all of us. It is shameless and proud. Culturally, the combination of blatant racist fear mongering and the anti-woke movement has delivered their message for the future. A future that marginalizes almost all voices. 

The anti-woke flank of the new fascism is being driven almost exclusively by comics, my peers. Whether or not they are self-serving or true believers in the new fascism is unimportant. They are of the movement. Whether they see themselves as acolytes or just comics doesn’t matter. Whether they are driven by the idea that what they are fighting for is a free speech issue or whether they are truly morally bankrupt racists doesn’t matter. They are part of the public face of a fascist political movement that seeks to destroy the democratic idea. 

When comedians with podcasts have shameless, self-proclaimed white supremacists and fascists on their show to joke around like they are just entertainers or even just politicians, all it does is humanize and normalize fascism. When someone uses their platform for that reason they are facilitating anti-American sentiment and promoting violent autocracy. 

It may be all self-serving. Greedy influencers and comics and public personalities and certainly tech companies want to align themselves with an unapologetic right wing movement that has no concerns for regulation or law or justice or decency or democracy to increase their earnings and put them in the seat of power. 

Fascism is good for business if you toe the line. Popular podcasts became tribal and divisive years ago. Now they may be in the position to become part of the media oligarchy under the new anti-democratic government. 

Hopefully, it goes the other way and tolerance and diversity can breathe and inch forward but who knows?

I’m trying to remain a realist and live my life and do the things that keep the existential crisis this all seems to bring out of me at bay. 

Try to realize that you don’t have to annihilate yourself in the face of cultural annihilation. Hold onto who you are and try not to be afraid to live your truth in the midst of an avalanche of toxic bullshit. 

Today I talk to Robert Patrick about his acting roles, sobriety, motorcycles and life. Thursday I talk to Billy Corben about his new documentary on Lev Parnas and the crimes of Trump. Great talks. 

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

Places I've Never Gone.

Breakthroughs, People.

It’s rare in life as you get older to have life changing breakthroughs that aren’t rooted in something awful. You get to a certain age and if you aren’t really in the market or searching for a breakthrough it’s always going to be surprising. Something that just happens as a reaction, to cope. I’m speculating here, but it sounds solid. 

I believe I am still looking for something, creatively and personally. I don’t always acknowledge it but I keep putting myself out there on the line.

With acting, I don’t really feel like I know what I am doing. I believe I am instinctually good but I rarely feel like I have a craft in place other than trying. Which ain’t nothing. Putting myself out there. 

Certainly all of you who listen to the show hear me picking the brains of actors. I am trying to cobble together some method of approach. Glean some magic information. I’m sure it’s annoying on some level. 

Reading Al Pacino’s book reframed a lot of how I looked at acting. As a mode of expressing personal truth. But unlike comedy, it is to service a story or a piece of art. My comedy has always been about arriving at some personal or cultural truth. I believe that is all I’ve been concerned with. I never really thought about acting as a way to do that. To find truth within the role or the performance. It was just something I wanted to be good at or learn. To transform myself, be part of a collaborative effort, be seen. Make a great performance. 

I certainly wasn’t in it for the money. I never am. 

I was working on set last week with one of the best actresses ever and I had no choice but to go places I’ve never gone before in any part of my life and do it as a character. I really didn’t think I could get there but with her help I did. I can’t go into detail now. I know that seems like a tease but I will tell the story when the rest of the cast is announced. Soon. 

I will say this. After doing that scene, which you wouldn’t necessarily think would have this type of impact on me, I don’t think I will ever be the same. 

A breakthrough, a release, a whole new world in a way. It opened up something that will change my entire perception of how I create and act and express myself. I took a chance, dug deep and let it happen. I’ll tell you about it soon. 

On a different note, Kit’s crazy mini Bull Terrier bit my ear. We were sitting outside and she just ran up and bit my fucking ear. Drew blood. Left a mark. I panicked because I am shooting a movie and it was a significant gash pretty close to my face. 

I had to go in and get it glued up. I think it will cover easily but now you know. Like an easter egg of some kind. If the movie makes it out you can wonder which scenes I am doing with a damaged ear. I mean, hopefully the movie comes out well enough and that isn’t the only reason you’re watching. 

Today I talk to the prolific director Robert Zemeckis about his new film Here and most of his other ones. On Thursday I talk to country singer Keith Urban about life and music. Great talks. 

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

Here Now.

Gratitude, People!

Do it! Now!

I am reluctant and or disconnected from my ability to express or acknowledge gratitude. In relation to my life and the people in it. In relation to what it took me to get to the place I am and let it be a source of active empathy and some selfless engagement. Let it get me to love. 

I was in a situation the other night. A good situation. An event. I saw a lot of people there that I have known for years. We are all getting older. Some of us are gone. We’ve all had the lives we’ve had and are having in the industry of show business. I’ve known many, including myself, that went through years and years of lean, searching times. Many of us have come through and, at the very least, arrived at ourselves. Creative people that have actualized their talent, realized its limitations and do amazing things with their creativity. 

That’s a fucking miracle. To arrive at yourself with your talent as your sword. To keep it sharp is a whole other job. Many people hire sharpeners. I have my own whetstone. I just like doing the manual labor of me. 

It’s not a hero’s journey. It’s just the life of a creative person. The obstacles are insane and sometimes more than half of them are self-generated unintentionally. The odds of making it are slim and long term security is fleeting. 

What I’m getting at is that I never really felt that my life was a struggle. It was a compulsive, myopic need to express myself somehow. I struggled here and there with money, drugs and relationships but the core was always about self-expression and becoming me. 

Now, I am on the other side of much of what got me here which feels like a cloud of spent dopamine and emotional intensity that went on for years. I am here now. With a good sense of who I am and my talents, usually. I just wanted to take a moment to express some gratitude. I want to thank anyone who is reading this for being there for my journey and I hope my self-expression has brought you… feelings. Whatever they may be or are. 

It really wasn’t heading this way for me. So, I just want to take a breath and thank whatever gave me the grace to do what I do. Thanks, cosmic timing, because that’s a lot of it. When the stars align you better be ready to do the work. I was. A lot. Still do. Worker. 

There's many people involved in this journey and I grateful to all of them. 

Now, I just have to figure out how to have fun. 

I’m starting work on this movie tomorrow and it’s a big job. I’m nervous, I think I suck, I think I’m unprepared, I think that everyone on set will know immediately that they made the wrong choice and I don’t believe I can do it. I do know many of these things aren’t true but I have a weird way of preparing that involves beating the shit out of myself. It’s a hostile approach to putting the ego aside. 

You’ll notice in many of the upcoming episodes when I talk to actors I’m looking for tricks and tips with thinly veiled desperation. Just a little panic. 

I’m grateful though. Maybe even for my panic. 

Today I talk to the legendary music producer Joe Boyd about his essential new book ‘And the Roots of Rhythm Remain.’ Thursday I talk to the legendary actor Al Pacino about Al Pacino (and acting). 

Enjoy!

Booker, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

Growth.

Weddings, People.

I went to a wedding this past weekend. It seems unusual at this age to be invited to weddings. It’s usually a funeral and phone calls about divorces. 

It was a beautiful ceremony. My buddy Tom Scharpling and his fiancee Julia Vickerman are now together forever. I’m very happy for them. 

The nice thing about getting married when you’re older or if you’ve had a wedding before is that you can really do it exactly how you want to do it with just the people you want to be there. It seems that first marriages and marriages when you’re younger feel like you have a big family responsibility and a lot of things that to worry about that may not really be about you. I don’t think Julia has been married before. Tom has and I don’t know what his first one was like but this one was stunning. They are both creative people and it was just a perfect celebration of who they are and what they will be. We had a lovely time. 

I have had two weddings. One big Jewish one that got away from us in the sense that there was tremendous family responsibility and a need to include so many people that didn’t have anything to do with our lives. My second wedding was done in kind of a panic in my backyard before I went away for while and our fathers weren’t allowed to come. Both marriages failed for different reasons.

I am pretty committed to not being married again. I just don’t see the point anymore. When I go  to weddings the happiness I feel for the couple and emotions I experience are countered by the feeling that I really blew it somehow. For reasons of emotional immaturity and seeming inability to have healthy relationships. Then, tragedy and loss later in life pummeled me. I am cynical and incapacitated about love and marriage and I don’t know if I will turn that around. I’m glad I didn’t have to make a toast. I think bringing that stuff up would probably be a bad opening for it. 

Kit and I had a good time. Dressed up, danced, talked to people. It was fun. It had been a pretty trying couple of days so we needed it. 

On Friday Kit’s car was stolen. That’s a huge bummer. She had to file a police report and tell the insurance company. I had to not make it about me and escalate the crisis by somehow blaming her or getting aggravated that we’d have to get a new car or any number of ways I could have just made it worse. I didn’t do that. I’m very proud of myself. Because it’s my impulse to make thing worse somehow. Growth. 

Then, while we were getting ready to go to the wedding, after having accepted the situation and had a plan to deal with the car theft, the cops called and told her they found the car. It was literally a block away from where she had parked it. At that point she had to go back to her place and deal with the cops and I couldn’t go because I needed to be at the wedding. She would probably miss the ceremony and have to Uber there for the party. Again, I didn’t really know what to do but I knew I had to be at the wedding and she could deal with the car but it was stressful and I could’ve made it worse but I didn’t. Again. I’m amazing, just for being a normal person who can handle things. Growth. It doesn’t come easy. 

Suffice to say, I am still not emotionally healthy but I can make different choices for myself in light of that as to not cause chaos and pain in others. 

Maybe there is hope for me. I’ll get it right on my death bed. 

We still don’t know what happened to the car but apparently old Hyundais are targeted for joy rides because they are easy to start without a key. Nothing was missing or damaged. Kids. 

Today I talk to Sebastian Stan about the two very different movies he’s starring in that are out this week. Thursday I talk to Langston Kerman about comedy and teaching and poetry. Great talks!

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

Principles.

Happy Birthday!

To me. 

I turned 61 last Friday. I’m not thrilled. 

I’m glad to be alive, mostly. I’m pretty healthy. I have a lot going on in my life it seems. So, I ask myself, why am I not thrilled? 

Because I can't settle my mind about certain things that I should’ve let go of long ago. Why? I have a feeling it's just part of my engine and I’m not sure how the engine will run if I take out those parts. Or if I even can at this point. 

Resentment, self-judgement, fear, insecurity. They are actually a menu of the three prime movers of almost any ism. I mean, I am highly aware of all of them. They don’t run my life. Most of them don’t have too much real juice in my mind but they are still reflexes I have to deal with almost daily and in many ways. They just gnaw at me as opposed to running my life, I think. 

It’s odd, but when you have issues that gnaw at you, but don’t consume you because you are aware of them every time they come up, you have to engage with them and disarm them. That is the daily battle. When you are victorious it feels pretty amazing. I guess I do envy people that don’t really have to fight that fight most of the time but I think by fighting it out I get some of my best thinking and inspiration done. Because they are fundamental parts of my thinking. And the roots of my empathy to some degree. 

Every day is full of exciting revelations when you take almost everything personally, project a lot and imagine the worst outcome of most situations. 

The truth is, most of them are kind of tired and the beautiful thing about getting older is you really start running out of fucks to give just from experience and wisdom. The wisdom that comes from giving way too many fucks and realizing most of them are a total waste of fucks and fucking time is priceless. 

Hard earned fucking lessons. 

It does seem that I am missing out on some of the good part of the whole being alive experience, but some room is created from all the space that was being taken up by all the fucks I was giving and I'm getting some real peace. Zero fucks equals peace of mind. As long as the fucks you are giving up are non-essential fucks. It’s important to keep essential fucks in place. Principles. 

Some of those principles can be rooted in fear and resentment but why judge that part if the principles are solid. Most of the principles come out of some kind of empathy for the truly unique people of the world. 

When your brain is spinning all the time just trying to find a place to land in the chaos of your life and the world, and that's a problem to be solved all the time, you're at least 90 percent more interesting than well-grounded, confident people. 

That’s what I think today. I’ll question it as soon as I finish writing this. 

Today I talk to the very funny Kaitlin Olson. On Thursday I talk to the very professional Connie Chung. Good talks. 

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

Trying to Control Imaginary Problems.

Through it, People.

A week of Covid. 

It wasn’t great but, in honesty, it wasn’t awful. It was really more like a bad cold than anything else. Covid does have its own style though. It feels a little different sitting in your sinuses. It’s a little deeper up in there and there’s an itch to it that is unlike other sinus situations. Covid has Covid style. 

It was the second time I’ve had it. The first was a couple years ago. I’m not even sure how long ago it was but it was a rougher experience. It was very depleting. I was wiped for a week. That was not really the case this time. The first couple of days I felt sick but that was the worst of it. 

I did have to cancel a couple of shows but I was most worried about not being one hundred percent for Friday and Saturday in Tucson and Phoenix. I was fine. Other than having not done a long set in months, once I got up there it all came back. Tucson was a longer looser show because I was riffing a lot to get back in the zone. Great show. Phoenix was tighter, different but also a great show. 

The Orpheum Theatre in Phoenix was amazing. I had never been there. It’s really one of the great old theaters. Just beautiful, being in those performance spaces that were built when people just built the shit out things. Just big, beautiful and ornate. Great space. 

My birthday is this week. The 27th. I turn 61. I’m really trying not to let age affect me mentally but it is difficult. The darkness is coming. I actually need to embrace it because it's essential to the character I have to play in this movie coming up. It’s the job. 

So much of the way I think and what I think about is kind of a timeless loop of panic and insecure rumination I have been spinning since I was in my twenties. Those neural pathways don’t know age but the more controllable areas of my brain are entirely self-aware and really trying to get the loops to tighten up or come undone entirely. They keep me in a chronic present of manufactured problems and obsessive thought that serves no purpose. Or does it. I think it might be how I ground myself. It is fleeting and exhausting. Fortunately I can focus my obsessive super powers on almost anything. No shortage of options for stabilizing through trying to control imaginary problems of mundane tasks. This is the idea I’m going to build on for my spiritual text. 

I’m tired of the anxious vigilance of trying to control dumb events and things. I was supposed to fly out of Phoenix at 10:15 am on Southwest. I got a text from them at 8 am that the flight was going to be delayed four hours for who the fuck knows. I jumped into action and got myself on the 12:55 as a backup. Literally bought another ticket. Didn’t change flights. So, I then had two boarding passes for two different flights. Then, at nine, a text came through that the 10:15 was back on. I had already settled into getting the 12:55 but I couldn’t stay settled. I snapped into action. Panic ready. I decided to Tom Cruise Mission: Impossible it. Threw my clothes, books and water bottle into my bag. Got the car at the valet. I had to get to the airport, return the car, take the train to the terminal, get through security for a 9:45 boarding. Exciting. 

Somehow I made it to security at 9:40 and then got randomly selected for a hand test for bad stuff AND my bag got pulled for further checking. I was losing my mind. Paced around. Did the ‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ thing aloud. It’s now 9:42 and the bag checking guy goes on break. I’m so pissed because I had made it. This is fucking my mission up. 

The dumb thing was I wasn’t going to miss the flight but I wanted to have my place in line. I was A2. That’s a top spot on Southwest. So, I’m fuming. The new TSA guy goes into my bag and pulls out my water bottle which was FULL! Are you fucking kidding me? It was my fault. Amateur move. Cruise wouldn’t have fucked that up because it would’ve meant life or death. I just might not make my spot on the line. 

I was the fuming asshole who had fucked himself. Not my favorite role.

I ran and made my boarding spot. So dumb. Winning. 

Today I have a talk with Elizabeth Olsen which is amazing. I talk to Kathleen Hanna from Bikini Kill on Thursday. Also amazing. 

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

The Golf Bug.

I’m done, People!

And sick. 

We wrapped last Friday night. We shot ten episodes. The first one feels like it happened years ago. It’s a strange feeling. A shoot is a very intense, very real community. You’re with the same people for months. Everyone has specific jobs and some of those jobs are brushing your face and hair many times a day. Among many others, obviously. 

It was sort of crazy that for the entire shoot there were no real weather issues. Minor ones, maybe. Then, the last night, Friday the 13th, It poured and we had to change up the last three scenes. No issues until the last three scenes. Crazy. 

I have to say the whole experience was great. All the people that worked on the show were really nice, professional. Like, no problems. They even put up with me. I can get a bit grumpy but I think on the spectrum of annoying behavior of actors in general, I’m in the ok zone. Most of my grumpiness is self-generated and has nowhere to go but back in so I tend to share it. If it's too intense, I make up for it somehow. Usually by not being grumpy. It’s a delicate balance. 

I think the show is going to be good. It’s touching and emotional and funny and the relationships are human and there's golf. Lots of golf.

I will report that I did not get the golf bug. TaylorMade sent me a set of clubs so I’m not saying I won't, but I didn’t after being around it for months. It’s intimidating. I can tell from the nature of it, just as an addict, that if you have one good game or even one great shot, you may chase that feeling for the rest of your life. On the surface and under it, that seems frustrating to me. I had one or two good shots off camera that really connected. I get the buzz. It might have been enough though. We’ll see. 

It was great working with Owen Wilson. We got along very well. Sweet guy. Funny. Real professional. All the cast was great. Peter Dager, Marianna Treviño and Lilli Kay were the core bunch. Timothy Olyphant and Judy Greer came on later. Great bunch of actors. I learned a lot. 

I was antsy to get home though. I needed to get back to my life. I was ready. I was going to jump right back into standup and talking to people and being at my house. It was urgent. After we wrapped, I was all packed and ready to go. That last night in Vancouver I crashed and at some point during the night I felt congested. It felt like I was coming down with something. Which isn’t unusual after a shoot. Your body holds it off for weeks and then just lets go. 

I flew home not feeling great but I was happy to get home. I was tired of sitting around by myself waiting to shoot or wandering around Vancouver alone. I was feeling isolated and a bit crazy. Saturday I felt ill. I woke up stuffed up. I figured I should get a Covid test because I had standup and talks to do. 

Fucking positive. 

So, now I get to sit around and be isolated at home. Which I guess is better. I had to cancel some interviews and the two warm up shows in LA at Dynasty and Elysian. It kills me to cancel shit. I hate it. I think it’s the right thing to do though. I don’t know what other people are doing or if people even test anymore but I guess all that trauma of the pandemic made me understand that it’s my responsibility. 

I don’t feel too sick but I am bummed. I’m trying to look at it as forced relaxation. I’ll read, work on my lines for my movie, do some cleaning, hang out with my dumb cats.

I’m going to fucking lose it.

I think I may need to finally get a food delivery app. I don’t know how I’ve avoided it this long.

Today I talk to Eric Roberts. Intense guy. On Thursday I talk to Jason Ritter. Deep guy. Great talks!

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

End Times Vacation.

Home stretch, Folks!

This is my last week up here in Vancouver. 

My last week in this golf-related dream I’ve been involved in. It’s weird but I don’t think I’ll know it really happened until I see the show. I think that’s the nature of creating a reality that is, by its nature, not real. Like a dream. 

I’ve learned some things about myself here. Some things I have known for a long time, others are new. 

I’m almost 99 percent sure now that I will not read the books I bring along with me when I go out of town, ever. I’ve been doing it for years. I literally brought a whole library of relatively deep books that I have had for years to Vancouver with me. I thought to myself, or should I say, lied to myself, that this trip would be a perfect time to get to them. I guess not unlike having a lot of books at home, it’s nice to take some on a trip to know that they are there, with all their wisdom and information, if I need them. I am comforted by having them around. Like friends you don’t really feel pressure to engage with but it’s nice that they are hanging out. 

I also learned that, not unlike the books, whatever big plans I have about what I’m going to do in the city I am visiting might not happen. I don’t know where all the time went. I was going to go on many hikes and bike rides but I ended up going on one. I mean, I got out, saw the city, took some drives, but I had more ambitious plans. So, now I’m left to just beat myself up for not doing enough.

I did take care of myself though. I did the work I came to do. I ate right. Exercised. I was also going home a lot to do my other work. 

It does seem that I don’t really have an out-in-the-world adventurous spirit though. I can definitely travel in my mind and part of that traveling is talking myself out of going out in the world. I do, but relative to things I have to do usually. I just get anxiety and I just need to find a routine wherever I go and lock into it to the detriment of broadening my experience. 

Now that I’m getting older, part of me thinks I need to go explore the world before it burns up. An end times vacation to see all the exotic places and how they are buckling under climate change. 

I don’t know. It’s just when I talked to today's guest, Lupita Nyong’o, who has lived in Kenya, Mexico, and the US, and speaks four languages, I had the deep realization that my world is small and the primary reason for that is my own fear. 

I just feel a profound kind of loneliness when I travel places. It’s like I’m untethered and have no home or personality and I’m almost invisible. All things that could be exciting if I just embraced them as opposed to freak out. Same reason I was never great with psychedelic drugs. Just lost my sense of self and panicked. I mean, you don’t want the high point of an adventure just being the fact that you didn’t lose your shit. I guess there are people that seek that kind of adventure but I experience enough of that on a day-to-day level just being me. I don’t need to go far for it. Or leave my house actually.

Looking forward to being home for a bit. 

On Thursday I talk to Ali Macofsky. She’s a very funny comic and has opened for me in many places. I had to be careful not to talk too much or remember what we talked about during the hours we spent in the car just so this episode could be great. 

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

My Sanity Was at Stake.

Crisis management, People.

My brain is busy pretty much all the time. I’ve talked about this a lot. Left to its own devices, aside from the primal ones that keep me alive, my brain generates worry and panic. Actually, maybe it's a bit of those survival parts bleeding over. 

I like to think that I just like to think. I’m okay alone, driving, walking, with no music, because I like to think. Truth is, I don’t execute much control over most of my thoughts. Which is a mistake. I could be much more creative if I did.

I think about things going wrong, worst case scenarios, being attacked, revenge fantasies, political assassinations, fire, animal death, human death, cancer and other diseases, fat, my hair, my face, my clothes, my brittle nails, food and getting it, sex, remembering things just to see if I can, where things are, where they aren’t and what happens if they’re not there, rising water, rising temperatures, why is that guy so popular, etc.

Some of those are fine, healthy even. Many of them just generate panic and self loathing and what am I going to do if THAT happens? Some of it turns out to be prepping. Accepting the worst. Though usually the worst isn’t even on the list. There are surprises. Most of the list is made of things that aren’t happening and won't. 

The prep helps. Because when it’s time to panic for real, I’m ready. Give me a crisis. Minor ones are preferred. I’m ready. Instinctively. 

I had a revelation on Saturday. I was booked on an Air Canada flight back home at 8:45am. The last time I flew with them they cancelled all their flights, day of, because of tech issues. What? All flights? I found out after there is a labor shortage and perhaps a strike. I am wary of AC now. I knew that heading into Saturday morning. I suggested to my manager, 'maybe we don’t fly with them anymore.' She said other airlines cancel too. I said okay. 

I woke up at 6 for a 6:45 pick up. There was a text and an email from Air Canada saying my flight was cancelled. I was rebooked for 6:30pm. Unacceptable. My time at home is precious and my sanity was at stake. A full day in my head was out of the question. I scrambled. No panic. Got on the Delta app. Found an 8am flight through WestJet. Tried to book it. There were no assigned seats but there was an upgrade available. Took it. Was transferred to the WestJet site. Jumped through some international flight hoops. Landed the last seat. Then I called the driver, who happens to like showing up early and he came ten minutes later. Made the flight. Miracle. 

In the middle of that minor crisis, just taking the steps, I felt like that is what I should be doing with my life. Whatever that means. 

Then I solved a minor mystery about a home invasion through texting on the plane. 

Amazing, a productive morning of crises. 

Maybe I should hire myself out to panic about other people’s problems and be available to troubleshoot if the shit goes down. Is there a name for that job? I think it might be Therapist. 

Later that night I dropped my phone at the movies and didn’t realize it until a stranger came running after me with it like five minutes after I left. Another miracle. If he hadn’t it would’ve ruined my whole weekend. 

Averting a crisis with my own will and the good will of a stranger made it an amazing day. Like one of the best days. 

I should be able to have them without all the drama. 

Today I talk to comic Drew Lynch who appeared on my show Maron. On Thursday I talk to Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes. Great talks!

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

Keep It Furious.

The days keep rolling in and past, People.

That’s good and bad. I think the perception of time passing changes as you get older which makes sense. I’ve never thought time was flying by, but it seems to be getting away from me, at the very least.

I will stop reflecting on reflecting. As soon as I can wrap my brain around it. I feel I need to do that sooner than later.

I mean, both my parents are still hanging on. That’s about all they are doing. They’re not living much of a life. They’re in their eighties and I guess that's the best you can hope for. Hanging on. Eating.

Obviously my dad is losing his mind but he’s still hanging on. The primary driver when he’s not being passive or vacant is anger. He can tap into that rage over nothing. It focuses him. I would say in that way he’s very current and in tune with the culture we live in. It’s very honest.

So, I have that to look forward to.

Keep it fresh. Keep it furious.

I’ve been home for a bit and I actually did some socializing outside of just going to The Comedy Store. I went to a couple of parties. I really need to get out more. I like it. 

I don’t really feel like a loner but I do sometimes just not do things. I think, ‘what’s the point?’ My dad is kind of like that and he is fading away and friendless. 

I went to Brendon Smalls house for a little party. I hadn’t seen him in years. I used to go to his get-togethers yearly. I saw a few old friends, he showed me his weird guitars, I ate tacos, got some laughs, talked gear with Peter from Gibson. It was great. It is what life is. 

Then I went to Dana Gould’s 60th birthday party. Big laughs. Saw some of the geniuses I’ve known for decades and I haven’t seen some of them in almost one of those decades. It's a real gift to be in this racket and hang out for even an hour with truly brilliant, funny people. I know a lot of you have funny friends but I’m not sure I can quite explain what it's like to be around Maria Bamford, Laura Kightlinger, Patton Oswalt, Blaine Capatch, Matt Weinhold, Dana Gould and others all in one room or on one patio. The best. 

I LIKE TO LAUGH. 

The combination of shared history and the fact that we’re all still alive and still funny and relaxed enough with each other that we can fucking enjoy it is what life is. Mine, anyway. 

When they brought the cake out and everyone gathered around waiting for Dana to do a little speech or something, everyone quieted down and Dana said, ‘There is never a good time to say this but… I’m dying.’

Perfect. 

Today on the show I talk to my old friend Greg Fitzsimmons about his life and his new special. On Thursday I catch up with another old friend Brendon Walsh about the same stuff, not  special. Great talks. 

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

Wear the Helmet.

Hello, Gang!

I’m finally home for a bit. It’s a relief, but its no vacation. When I get home it always feels like there’s a never ending list of shit to do because there is. 

There’s house stuff, cat stuff, comedy stuff, podcast stuff, relationship stuff. Stuff.

I’m starting to appreciate the actor’s life a bit more. It’s like the comic’s life only you’re away for longer. As lonely and weird as that can be, it’s not your house or real life, really. It’s like a dream. When I get home, I’m awake. 

It’s nice to be back. I really don’t assume that my cats are going to remember me. It takes them a couple of days to adjust to me being around and in their face on the regular but they all come around eventually. I really don’t understand how people do it with kids. It seems like it would be kind of heartbreaking to be away from your kids when they are at a certain age. The thought that they may not remember you or that it could permanently alter your relationship with them must be so difficult. I am so happy not to have them. 

I mean, with cats, even if they don’t remember you, once you start feeding them regularly they’re fine. That’s probably what it comes down to. ‘Oh, yeah. This is the guy that used to feed us and now he’s feeding us again.’ It’s probably similar with kids. Deeper, but similar. 

There’s a lot less to remember for a cat. They aren’t growing into a full, complex self. They’re pretty much all them after the first year or so. 

When I do get home I aggressively jump back into my habits. I did do something new this time. I have this electric bike that I haven’t really ridden. I decided to take it out for a spin down to get a sandwich. I got all set to ride and I had a bit of a struggle with myself about whether or not I should wear a helmet. I have one. I just didn’t really think it was cool to wear one. They are pretty silly looking. I’m 60 and I’m worried about looking cool on my bike. Crazy.

I was already wearing shorts and sandals. I was thinking, ‘fuck it. I’m not really going that far. It’s a bike.’ These electric bikes get going though. I think the whole pedal assist idea is silly. It’s basically a moped. 

I decided to wear the helmet. I decided to not look cool for a couple of reasons. The first being, no one is really looking at me on a bike in my jean shorts and sandals thinking, ‘That guy is cool.’ I’m 60! The other reason is I didn’t want to crack my head open like a dumbshit. That was the real deciding factor. To get a traumatic brain injury by falling off a bike at my age was a big enough motivator. 

The pride I felt for making that very basic, very practical adult decision was embarrassing. I was really patting myself on the back. I felt like I was making a real sacrifice in the name of safety. It was ridiculous. I guess that is the nature of aging though. 

In a lot of ways I think wisdom is learning how not to be careless and to have enough forethought to assess possible consequences. 

I did still feel like I needed some recognition for making the choice. I’ll give it to myself now. Hey, Marc. Great job wearing the helmet. That was the responsible and safe thing to do. You’re all grown up now. 

Thanks, Marc. 

Today I talk to the very intimidating Michael Rooker about his life and playing very intimidating and scary roles. On Thursday I talk to Paul W. Downs. He’s a writer, creator and performer on the show Hacks.

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

Childless Cat Lady Man.

I miss the cats, Folks.

I guess it's time to come out. 

I identify as a Childless Cat Lady Man. It’s a relief to get that out in the open. 

I’ve spoken publicly many times about being childless and happy about it. Not happy in general, but happy. I’ve done a lot of material on it. Specifically about my life as a cat owner. I’ve also explored why it’s different but similar in terms of one’s ability to love a human being. 

I have nothing against children. I have nothing against people who have them. I don’t judge their decision to have them though I have joked about it. This new framing of childless people being anti-American somehow is pretty fucked up and creepy. Especially coming from a political party that used to scream about big government and its power over our lives and freedom. 

They’ve already made abortion illegal in many states. It’s also troubling, to say the least, that they seem to want to legislate against divorce. What could be more overreaching in terms of government than stifling physical autonomy and the ability to make decisions about your relationships in life. 

I understand the christian nationalist agenda to legislate based on biblical morality which is in of itself anti democratic. Anti-American. 

I am not too far from the compulsion to think conspiratorially. To speculate wildly. It is from this place that I posit the following ideas. 

When children aren’t wanted or, for whatever reason, are forced to be brought up in a loveless or hostile environment they are wired by trauma. Whether the abuse is physical or emotional it stifles or destroys a kid’s ability to develop a grounded sense of self. They are set out into the word angry or shattered. Poorly parented. Over time, without guided introspection, that generational anger and despair can propel them into seeking strength from exploitative people that manipulate them into whatever their agenda is. Feed on their damage to serve their own purposes. When it’s political, this is the fuel of fascism. Now, I’m no professional and I’m just speculating, but damaged people can also lose control of their lives and become strung out on whatever makes them feel better at the risk of everything that dignifies life. Possible crime as well. Then they end up on the wrong side of the law and maybe prison. 

Fascism and prisons are big business right now. So, whether it's in the guise of moral legislation or fear of becoming an ethnic minority, the drive to stifle personal freedom and force people to have children is scary shit. 

Also, on a similar note, trauma and damage causing people to never feel whole is also a primary driver of capitalism on the consumer level. That’s another whole ball of wax and products. 

Many people don’t have kids for many reasons. So what? Leave them alone. There’s enough kids in the world. 

The act of self-sacrifice to put a stop to generational trauma because one doesn’t feel like they can parent properly should be commended, not shot down. 

For me, I just never really wanted or thought about having children. That, in and of itself, is enough. Though the underlying reality is not wanting to continue family trauma. 

So, fuck off. I’m okay being a Childless Cat Lady Man. 

Today I have a delicate but good talk with Moon Zappa about her new memoir. On Thursday I talk to the very funny comic Blair Socci. Love her. Good talks. 

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron