Trying to deal, People.
I’m able to breathe a bit, finally. So much sadness was inside of me and not coming out it was literally hard to breathe. I’m getting some air now. I’ve been crying on and off. Seemingly out of nowhere. I’m just overwhelmed with crying. It doesn’t even seem to be connected to sadness or a thought. Maybe I’m just filled up with the sadness and eventually it just needs to be relieved. Let some tears out. Bursting at the seams with the sadness.
Sometimes I am triggered to cry. Odd things. Like her pink winter gloves which were sitting on the dresser. I couldn’t give them away. She had them on our trip to Ireland a few months ago. I just looked at them and lost it.
Now the world is on fire and there is knee-pressing at the back of all our necks and no one with a sense of justice and conscience can breathe. Sadly, because of my personal grief, which I am rightfully consumed with, it's hard for me to even wrap my brain around what is happening to the country, emotionally. I do know that I was and am powerless over the death of my girlfriend and that compounds the loss. I do know that we feel powerless in relation to the actions of murderous police and the encroaching possibility of fascism but I also know that what is happening is what it looks like when people take back their power or fight the good fight to try.
I have to stay in the moment because given the state of the country and the state of my heart if I think about tomorrow it gets very bleak. Dealing.
Three shows this week. Today I talk to Jefferey Wright about his acting work and his activism. We talked before the events of this week and before Lynn passed. Actually, all of the talks this week are before both these sad events. I talk to guitarist GE Smith on Wednesday and actor Chris Cooper on Thursday. Big week.
Enjoy!
Love,
Maron