The Covid, People.
I got Covid, finally.
I tested positive last Tuesday. I was feeling it Monday. I tested negative Monday morning. I felt worse throughout the day. I tested again on Tuesday and bam, two lines.
I’ve been dreading those two lines for as long as they’ve had these tests. Then there they were. I know so many people who have had it or have it now that I didn’t lose my mind. I did feel like I failed somehow. I felt defeated. Shame. Which is ridiculous but my mind is always looking for that opportunity.
I have a pretty good idea where I may have gotten it. There are two possibilities in my head. It really doesn’t matter though anymore. Does it? This is the world. I chose to be out in the world as safely as possible and still do my work. I don’t have a huge social life but I was doing comedy as much as possible. I knew there was a risk. I took it. I got the bug. Happens.
It’s been pretty mild really. I haven’t had a fever or aches or intense fatigue. I’ve been very congested, sneezy and a little tired. My chest has been tight on and off but I get that anyway, from panic.
The quarantine has me spiraling at different points. It’s just a lot of time by myself with no exercise. I wake up in the middle of the night and my brain just starts going through all of the most frightening, uncomfortable events of my life. A full personal trauma immersive experience in images. I don’t know why my brain does that. I also felt very alone. It’s a choice. Though when you’re scared, you kind of want to make someone who loves you as scared as you are for comfort.
My biggest fear, other than dying and chronic issues, is that the virus will linger and I won’t be able to pull a negative test before my gigs this week. We’ll see. I’ll test today and tomorrow. I just don’t want to let people down. I guess this is the world we live in now. I won’t be canceling because I have a movie shoot or some other excuse. Just the new Covid.
I’ve done a lot of stuff during my quarantine: I put together an Oklahoma Joe’s Bronco Drum Smoker, I watched the new West Side Story and the old one, I finished Dana Stevens’ book Camera Man: Buster Keaton, The Dawn of Cinema, and the Invention of the 21st Century, watched Atom Egoyan’s Guest of Honor, began reading Feline Philosophy: Cats and the Meaning of Life, by John Gray, worked on my script with Sam Lipsyte, cooked a bunch of stuff, learned things, almost lost my mind a bit.
Today I talk to Peter Dinklage about the Peter Dinklage thing. On Thursday I talk to Dana Stevens mostly about her Buster Keaton book. Great talks.
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
