Getting through, Folks!
I’m better. I think.
The test was very, very close to clean on Saturday. I’ll do one today. There was just a smidgen of a hint of a second line. My load is way down and almost out.
It was a little scary, I have to be honest. With everything we know and don’t know about this thing I just couldn’t relax with it. I couldn’t hang loose with the Covid. I couldn’t enjoy my sick days. I couldn’t just cozy up with the bug in me.
There was always a period of panic. Panic that I would be the one to defy all the numbers. The one guy with a booster, in good health, that gets it real bad. I’m sure there are actual cases of that. Of course my inverted narcissistic tendency made me believe I would win the unlucky lottery. I am convinced I’m not that guy now.
I’m just one of those people that if I get sick with a passing bug I’m in for the whole ride, generally. I’ve never been one to have a cold for a couple of days. Is anyone really? If I get sick, I’m sick for the maximum.
There’s an arc to most sickness. This Covid thing just kind of stayed steady and annoying. Like I told you before: I had no fever, no aches, no dizziness (though maybe a little later), no lack of oxygen. My fatigue was minimal. I did have some trouble getting a deep breath in. That was the scariest thing to me.
My problem is, when I get tweaked or anxious or panicky, my chest gets tight. So that was feeding the tightness from the sickness, I believe. I spun out a couple of times. All my mental compartments collapsed and I stared the big empty in the face. It even opened its mouth once. Did some self pity texting and some crying wolf and reeled it in. Spiral. Thanks, friends I text.
I did the quarantine. The bug didn’t really totally pass through me for 12 days after I tested. Thirteen days after I still felt a little shitty. I don’t feel great now. I think the war within on a cellular level is more profound than this strain lets on. Clearly, my body has been through something, even if I wasn’t bed ridden or at death’s door. Thanks to the vaccine, I believe.
Many people have said that this virus feels alien, different, inside them. I acknowledge that. I felt that. I think though, what is really different, is this new type of vaccine and how it works. I can’t separate the two. I will attribute the weirdness to the vaccine. I’ve had coronaviruses in me before but never engaged mRNA troops. I have no idea what this may have been like without them. Not good, I’m pretty sure.
I had the honor to have a pretty wonderful conversation with Tony Kushner about all of his work and focusing a bit on his adaptation of West Side Story for the new Spielberg film. Today I will share that with you. Exciting stuff. On Thursday I talk to Sam Richardson about where he comes from comedically, Ghana, Veep, I Think You Should Leave and The Afterparty. Great talks.
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
