Hola, Amigos!
Sorry. In New Mexico for a few days. Seeing the old man while I can and he still has a few marbles left. Which he does.
I met my brother out here. I don’t think the three of us have been together in almost ten years. It’s been good. As difficult as accepting this situation is, it's good. It is not unusual. It’s something that happens to some people when they get old. It’s a sad way to fizzle out but we’re in it. He’s still able to register us and his feelings and have a few laughs so it’s been great. The immediacy of the frailty and vulnerability of what he is going through makes it feel safer for me to show some fairly genuine love for the guy. Not just make a joke or give a hug. I’m not sure it ever felt safe to love that guy growing up. Too unpredictable, too selfish, too painful. Maybe that’s the nature of this life arch if it works out correctly. The letting go. The being there for them. I always assumed it was for financial reasons or caregiving, which it is. That’s not all though. What I am experiencing is some real emotional connection and closure with the people that brought me up. People I couldn’t really feel that with in a ‘normal’ way. I think I should be grateful.
Life stinks. That is the truth of it all. Hearts breaking every day.
People do change though. I know I have. I know my father is, though by no choice of his own. It’s odd to appreciate it all. I can’t say that I am very good at being open and having feelings. I tend to mold them into ones I can manage but they are coming more frequently in a purer form. Again, I think I should be grateful. Life stinks.
But we push on! I talk to two people this week who have completely changed their lives from being criminals and drug addicts to functioning artists and inspirational forces in their communities and the world. I talk to Danny Trejo today about his journey from prison and heroin to movies and recovery and tacos. On Thursday I talk to John Swab about his journey from heroin to directing films with a powerful message about addiction and grift. Great talks!
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron