San Fran again, People!
I drove up to San Francisco on Friday. I’m here as I write this.
I figured with my bum foot that maybe I shouldn’t be schlepping a bag and hobbling through the long corridors of two airports. It’s a 5-6 hour run. I’ve done it many times. It was actually very therapeutic.
The trip from Southern to Northern Cali on I-5 can be pretty tedious but because of all the rains it was beautiful. There was no dust hanging in the air like a mist of sludge and there was a light green coat on even the most barren of terrain. The air was crisp and clear.
When I drive I rarely listen to anything, music or talking. I just think. I used to listen to music to get through long drives but now I just do the thinking. Sometimes festering, sometimes cycling thoughts or spiraling, something just meditative and engaging impulsive thoughts that sometimes become bits. These days I do a lot of reflecting.
As I get older when I think about the past I don’t feel like it’s a nostalgic journey. It’s more like putting a puzzle together. The puzzle that got me here to who I am. New memories appear frequently. Sixty years is a long time. There’s a lot on the hard drive. Some files I haven’t opened since I made them.
It’s all about the trauma processing and owning the bad parts of the past.
I have mixed feelings about San Francisco. Not intellectually. When I’m up here I feel weird. It’s a weird place. I think it's one of the original American weirdo cities going back to the Gold Rush, through the Beatniks, into the hippies and gay liberation, into the city’s demise with the malignant tech bro invasion.
I spent a couple of very impactful years here. I was fleeing NYC in a drug-addled panic that I would never get work in the city. I impulsively loaded up my car and drove across the country and showed up at my ex-girlfriend's house and begged her to take me back. She did and I lived here with her for a couple of years.
I never really got a handle of the city and its weirdness and I definitely didn’t have a handle on myself. It was a place that encouraged risk-taking comedy. The audiences embraced it.
In that process of discovery and comedic development a lot of shit went down on the personal front. A lot of it embarrassing and mildly traumatic. A lot of it great.
When I come here I tap into that old feeling of being untethered and unsure. I feel like I’m surrounded by people who have given up normalcy to embrace who they really are and want to be. A projection probably. I try to get into that spirit.
So, I spin out a bit when I’m here, not knowing if what I do is worthy.
Turns out it is. I did a show at the Castro Theatre and it was amazing.
I just hope I make it home beneath the atmospheric river.
Today I talk to my old friend and great comic Laurie Kilmartin. On Thursday John Oliver is back and we have a very funny and varied talk.
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
