Wow, relentless, People.
The full-on brain fuck of this current moment in history is fucking RELENTLESS. It’s seemingly out of our control because of the mass popularity of stupidity and believing in one or all of these: entitlement-based fairy tales, dumb dumb Christian eschatology, fascist visions of white monoculture and/or just ‘fuck it.’ I can definitely understand that last one and a little bit of the first one.
My Covid test came back negative on Wednesday night. So, now, if I just don’t go anywhere or talk to anyone or rub my face on the surface of an infected person I’ll be okay for a while.
It seems that a lot of people are back to the ‘hey, it’s not that bad, yeah it’ll kill some people, but probably not me’ thinking which is fucking ridiculous and leads to ‘fuck it’ behavior and blood on your hands and maskless face.
There is nothing I can do but what I can do. Right now, I am sitting on my porch watching masked people amble by. It is pleasant out, but there seems to be mosquitos trying to fuck up the small amount of peace of mind I have here. RELENTLESS.
The grief experience seems to be evolving. When I realized I had shifted all my fear and sadness onto my old cat Monkey and whether or not he is dying, I broke down. Came through it. Have some acceptance around that but I’m realizing that with this grief door open I’m seeing my life differently. I seem to be looking back at all the different lives I’ve lived and all of the different traumas and heartbreaks and losses that went un-grieved and this moment is lighting those up. Not in a bad way. I seem to be approaching these memories of the different versions of me with some empathy and allowing the feelings to come. Going over the sad tally, missing Lynn.
Grief will definitely land you in you.
The other side of those feelings is the idea of will I ever be happy or content or in love or passionate again. I don’t know. I imagine I will. With the world the way it is currently it’s hard to imagine any of us (like-minded people) feeling sustained happiness again or even just anything but fear. Was that ever possible?
My porch is great right now.
Today on the show I talk to John Legend who is a lovely person. Surprise, in case you thought he was a dick or something. On Thursday I talk to another truly lovely person, Helen Mirren. Love her. Great talks.
Enjoy!
Love,
Maron