A bit of relief, People.
I’m weird. Emotionally screwed up. I have a handle on it for the most part. I accept who I am, ish.
It’s exciting when new information that pertains to who you think you are gets introduced into your brain. It’s also good when new information about the world based on someone else’s point of view or perception informs your own. It’s also good when your expectations are hijacked by reality and they are completely different, for better or worse.
There are mind-blowing moments. I like to have my mind blown. It doesn’t get blown by just anything surprising. It gets blown when new territory is opened up in my mind and it spreads and informs everything else. Or when a burden is lifted and that frees up more mental space.
I had a few mind-blowing events happen over the last week. As some of you know I went to NYC last week to do a music show and check out the potential venue for my HBO special taping in May. I was nervous about the music show. I was excited about the venue but I hadn’t seen it in person.
The biggest revelation that happened came through an email from a listener who was responding to my musings about possibly having ADHD. This was new to me and quite a few listeners have been chiming in about it. Primarily around discussions or mentions of narcissism which I know I don’t have. I have too much self awareness and guilt, dread and conscience to have that. I always assume I had some traits of it because I grew up with it in my father.
A listener named Cameron wrote about ADHD:
‘We are attempting to orient ourselves to the new information but what it looks like is self-centered behavior, in part because it is but it's not because of narcissism… People with ADHD's self-concept or sense of self fades when we are not doing the things that matter most to us. People think of misplacing keys as the example of memory challenges. We misplace our sense of self. So when you perform music at Largo the experience is always better than the thoughts that lead up to it. I teach and when I teach I am reminded of what matters to me. Our experience informs our sense of self providing important feedback loops.’
What!? We misplace our sense of self. That nugget will change everything for me. I doubt I’ll go get diagnosed or seek medication. I tend to use a cognitive approach and information that changes my understanding and/or perception is helpful.
So, as I wander the world wondering where my self is while I converge on things that matter, anxiety rules.
Just to lay out the events of the last week without writing a book here:
I’ve been reading a book that I barely understand by the author Olivier Roy called The Crisis of Culture about the predicament of the reality (or lack thereof) that we are living in and it’s informing some of my own perceptions and informing some of the creative work I’m doing. Mind-blowing.
I played the gig in NYC and I believe I played better than I ever have and was actually happy about it for a few days. Mind-blowing.
I went to the Comedy Cellar which I usually avoid for many reasons. One being that I decided I wasn’t really welcomed there. The other being that I have an estranged friend that I haven’t really spoken to in years that is there a lot. The last being that I just haven’t set foot on that stage in years and I was nervous about it like I was when I was starting out there.
So, I found myself and thought, ‘I’m Marc Maron. I belong there as much as any other comic that came up there.’
I went. Saw the old friend and it was fine. We spoke for the first time in years. I did a spot and it was great. Everyone was relatively happy to see me there. Mind-blowing.
This whole anxiety/misplaced self business leads to fear and speculation and most of the time it isn’t real.
Big week.
Today I talk to Jesse Eisenberg about his new movie A Real Pain and other stuff. Intense guy. Thursday I talk to comedian Andy Blitz who I haven’t really talked to in years about the old days of Luna Lounge and what’s he’s doing now.
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
