Through it, People.
A week of Covid.
It wasn’t great but, in honesty, it wasn’t awful. It was really more like a bad cold than anything else. Covid does have its own style though. It feels a little different sitting in your sinuses. It’s a little deeper up in there and there’s an itch to it that is unlike other sinus situations. Covid has Covid style.
It was the second time I’ve had it. The first was a couple years ago. I’m not even sure how long ago it was but it was a rougher experience. It was very depleting. I was wiped for a week. That was not really the case this time. The first couple of days I felt sick but that was the worst of it.
I did have to cancel a couple of shows but I was most worried about not being one hundred percent for Friday and Saturday in Tucson and Phoenix. I was fine. Other than having not done a long set in months, once I got up there it all came back. Tucson was a longer looser show because I was riffing a lot to get back in the zone. Great show. Phoenix was tighter, different but also a great show.
The Orpheum Theatre in Phoenix was amazing. I had never been there. It’s really one of the great old theaters. Just beautiful, being in those performance spaces that were built when people just built the shit out things. Just big, beautiful and ornate. Great space.
My birthday is this week. The 27th. I turn 61. I’m really trying not to let age affect me mentally but it is difficult. The darkness is coming. I actually need to embrace it because it's essential to the character I have to play in this movie coming up. It’s the job.
So much of the way I think and what I think about is kind of a timeless loop of panic and insecure rumination I have been spinning since I was in my twenties. Those neural pathways don’t know age but the more controllable areas of my brain are entirely self-aware and really trying to get the loops to tighten up or come undone entirely. They keep me in a chronic present of manufactured problems and obsessive thought that serves no purpose. Or does it. I think it might be how I ground myself. It is fleeting and exhausting. Fortunately I can focus my obsessive super powers on almost anything. No shortage of options for stabilizing through trying to control imaginary problems of mundane tasks. This is the idea I’m going to build on for my spiritual text.
I’m tired of the anxious vigilance of trying to control dumb events and things. I was supposed to fly out of Phoenix at 10:15 am on Southwest. I got a text from them at 8 am that the flight was going to be delayed four hours for who the fuck knows. I jumped into action and got myself on the 12:55 as a backup. Literally bought another ticket. Didn’t change flights. So, I then had two boarding passes for two different flights. Then, at nine, a text came through that the 10:15 was back on. I had already settled into getting the 12:55 but I couldn’t stay settled. I snapped into action. Panic ready. I decided to Tom Cruise Mission: Impossible it. Threw my clothes, books and water bottle into my bag. Got the car at the valet. I had to get to the airport, return the car, take the train to the terminal, get through security for a 9:45 boarding. Exciting.
Somehow I made it to security at 9:40 and then got randomly selected for a hand test for bad stuff AND my bag got pulled for further checking. I was losing my mind. Paced around. Did the ‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ thing aloud. It’s now 9:42 and the bag checking guy goes on break. I’m so pissed because I had made it. This is fucking my mission up.
The dumb thing was I wasn’t going to miss the flight but I wanted to have my place in line. I was A2. That’s a top spot on Southwest. So, I’m fuming. The new TSA guy goes into my bag and pulls out my water bottle which was FULL! Are you fucking kidding me? It was my fault. Amateur move. Cruise wouldn’t have fucked that up because it would’ve meant life or death. I just might not make my spot on the line.
I was the fuming asshole who had fucked himself. Not my favorite role.
I ran and made my boarding spot. So dumb. Winning.
Today I have a talk with Elizabeth Olsen which is amazing. I talk to Kathleen Hanna from Bikini Kill on Thursday. Also amazing.
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
