Here we go again, People.
I’m sorry. I mean Happy New Year! Seriously, let’s make a go of it.
In retrospect, last year wasn’t that bad. That being said, I have a hard time really knowing what happened and when and how much time has gone by. I think the pandemic permanently damaged my sense of time. Maybe not in a bad way. I don’t feel it passing in the same way. The markers are different. I don’t notice days or weeks or years as much. I remember events floating behind me. I remember emotional reactions to moments and unfoldings in my head. I remember being afraid and overwhelmed with anxiety. I remember loss. I remember spending time with people I care about.
I just don’t have a handle on time anymore. Time passing. Time on the horizon. I do know my time is running. I do know that I can make choices about how I want to spend that time. I do know that I don’t have to be dragged by time or have time taken away from me by people, places and things I don’t choose to engage with.
That’s a good start for the new year. Realization.
Kit and I spent New Year’s Eve at a new friend’s house. I don’t even think I was really invited. I misunderstood something he said about cooking for friends on NYE before Covid and I said that was great. Then, in my head that meant I was going over there for dinner. I asked if it was happening then re-read the texts and realized it wasn’t really an invite, just a statement. I told him I was sorry I made it awkward but he said to come eat. So, we did. We had a great time with him and his family and some other people and their kids. It was just a full night of being a human among humans. Talking, eating, listening. I really hardly ever do that. Hang out with people and their families and my girlfriend, just having a nice night. He cooked great food. I baked a cake. It was a full day.
Then Kit and I split so we could make it to her place for the changing of the year and have an intimate moment. We did. Then I ran from it and drove home in the rain and passed out on my couch in my clothes. I did that without drinking. Thank you.
So, upon reflection of the evening. A couple of the things I would like to change this year are:
I want to spend more time with other people I like in planned social events.
I want to get comfortable with intimacy.
Big plans!
Today I talk to Ben Foster. I’m a huge fan. I think he’s a great actor. I wanted to get to know him. On Thursday I talk to Colin Hanks about all the stuff.
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
