Breaking down, Folks.
I wake up feeling like I played rugby the day before.
My joints hurt. I’m always sore. I work out too much. To what end? If it’s to feel better, I’m not sure that is what is happening. I get the hiking, the cardio, the dopamine. That makes sense. The weights and the lifting things and the pulling things and pressing things and the squatting, I’m not sure about. How long does it go on? Until I’m just too sore and tired to do it? Until something gives or breaks.
I guess time will tell. I will adjust.
It’s the pushing myself that feels good, I guess. The discipline of it all. That’s what I’m holding on to. I wasn’t like this as a younger person. If I lose that, I may fall into an abyss of me. Brain maintenance.
My father, who is drifting away mentally said, “I can’t find myself today.’ And he meant it. I know that feeling in the abstract, as an exercise or a panic reaction, but not as a real problem. Terrifying. Like all he had left in that moment was the awareness to know that his self was missing. I hope he has some good days left. I hope I don’t get what he has.
On the upside, I’m looking forward to playing some music with the fellas tomorrow night at Largo. I don’t know how long everything is going to stay operational as this wave of plague rips through the world. So, I hope it's fun. We have six tunes we worked out and Whitney Cummings and Zainab Johnson will be doing comedy. As will I.
I am not a Hobbit person or much of a fantasy person at all actually. I talked to two directors this week who happen to be very good at the fantasy thing. Both seem to be moving toward more human subject matter or at the very least dealing with human characters exclusively in their most recent work.
I talk to Peter Jackson today about The Beatles, a lot. He had to wrangle a shit ton of footage of them dicking around in the studio to find the throughline for the amazing doc Get Back that is now streaming on Disney+. We talked a little about Hobbits, but not a lot. If you love The Beatles and/or Peter Jackson, this is for you.
On Thursday I have an amazing conversation with Guillermo del Toro about his new film Nightmare Alley and a lot of other life and art and film stuff. It was totally engaging and exciting to talk to him. He's a very intelligent, deep, decent fellow. Loved it.
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
An Abyss of Me.
