Let it rain, People!
I have never craved rain before living in Los Angeles.
It gets to a point out here where I don’t even know how any vegetation is persisting. When I go on a hike, it all just looks like kindling. Barren and sad. So, when I hear there is rain in the forecast I just hope it comes down for days.
Of course, with climate problems, a rain forecast is apocalyptic. There may be flooding. Entire mountains may slide away. I say, ‘bring it.’ We need the relief. We need the water. I’m ready to slide into the ocean, in my house.
I’ve been talking to the young guns lately. The comers. The new comics. It’s making me think about my own drive, both now and when I started. What is ambition? I know it when I see it. I generally know when it is attached to talent or not. Sometimes it is just the drive that is being pushed. Ambition without talent will land you somewhere but if it requires any thoughtfulness or originality it will be found out to be an empty engine. Ambition is not a point of view.
I can never quite identify my own ambition. I know I have it. I know I have been persistent but that is mostly because I couldn’t really see myself doing anything else other than being a comic. So, I locked in. I’m a lifer. When I talk to these guys and they talk about their goals they talk about ‘crushing’ and about playing MSG. It’s power talk, it’s winning talk, it’s the big ambitions.
My ambition was to be a great comic in the tradition of the comics I respect. It’s subjective. Culture makes decisions through popularity and dumb polls but we all pick our heroes. I can honestly say I never really wanted to play MSG. It never seemed like a good situation for me. I certainly learned how to ‘crush’ early on but my drive was something different. I believed a comic’s drive was to find their personal truth, who they were, and use it to explore the bigger truths. Yes, getting laughs was necessary because that’s how you delivered the goods. Evolving as a comic for me was very tied up in figuring out who I was as a person. At some point the thrill of getting laughs took a backseat to the thrill of discovery. It still has. I get the laughs. I’m a pro. Am I getting enough? Who decides? Me, now.
After talking to these guys and watching some of the other young guys at The Comedy Store hammer away with their jokes I started to wonder, ‘Do I have jokes?’ Of course I do. I am still capable of complete insecurity and self-judgement and self-abuse at times. So all this crushing talk stuck in my craw and Saturday night I organized in my mind for my 15-minute set in the Main Room so I could go out and crush with my jokes. Hard. There was even some space during the set for some in-the-moment discovery, which is what makes it amazing. I was killing so hard I actually took a moment to appreciate the riff and said, ‘Do you mind if I take a second to enjoy my brain?’
Will it be all about crushing from here on out? Maybe. That might be what I need to be doing. Just crushing. Ambitiously crushing.
Today I talk to young crusher Hasan Minhaj about comedy and his life and the shows he’s been involved with and his new tour. On Thursday I talk to Jennifer Lee Pryor about herself and her late husband Richard upon the release of a new, very thorough, career-spanning Time-Life box set of his work. Lively talks!
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
