The Midwest, People!
Flying back from St. Louis as I write this. I did five great shows. Great crowds. Club work is the real work of standup. It’s really the best place to see a comic. I’m working the new material. Getting it tight in the late night trenches.
I don’t know why I freak out so hard before I travel. Especially to the Midwest. It’s just weird. My anxiety levels are not getting any better pre-travel. It usually stops almost immediately once I get in the air. Not when I go to the Midwest though.
The Midwest is different in my mind. I get paranoid. I’m starting to realize that I really have to tether my imagination to practical reality. It just goes full catastrophic micro and macro almost all the time.
I didn’t realize until last week that I was working Rosh Hashanah weekend. So my brain creates a scenario where an antisemitic nut job comes in from the sticks of Missouri to take out a Jew while he’s on stage. Happy New Year. It’s a strange kind of inverted self-importance. Obviously, it didn’t happen. I can’t say I wasn’t relieved to see the club’s security with metal scanners at the door. I really have to reel my brain in.
I’ve been to St. Louis before but I forget. It’s a great city. Good people. I had a good time.
There were several vegetarian restaurants. All the ones that I ate at were great. My favorite record store is there, Euclid Records. Picked up about 30 albums. I did some live radio. I chose to do it. A morning drive-time show one day and an afternoon drive time show the next. Yes, I wanted to sell a few more tickets but I also wanted to get back into live radio head. It’s exciting.
I know the woman who owns Clementine’s Creamery, Tamara Keefe. It is probably the best ice cream anywhere. Sometimes I miss real ice cream because vegan ice cream is really hit or miss. Something I make do with when I have the craving. Somehow Clementine’s has nailed the non-dairy ice cream. It’s all about the texture. I asked how they got that smooth, dairy-like feel and of course she said it was magic. Trade secrets.
Tamara took me on a tour of their new manufacturing facility. It was pretty amazing. Freezers the size of my house. The high point was she had the ice cream designer let me try a bunch of their new vegan flavors. I’m not sure that’s what she’s called but you get it. I have to say, it was pretty exciting just trying a bunch of weird, good vegan ice cream. One had sweet potatoes in it. Another one was a coconut macaroon flavor. I even got to taste fresh ice cream right out of the mixing machine before its deep frozen and packed into pints and it was fucking great. I considered the whole experience a full meal.
As I said before, comedy clubs are where the real work gets done. I do The Comedy Store all the time. I don’t do too many clubs on the road because in most of the markets,I do bigger venues. I forget that clubs are kind of rough sometimes. Some clubs go out of the way to make the comedy experience amazing but that’s rare, I think. When it comes down to it, club comedy is about selling drinks. Some club owners care about the comic's experience but historically the club owner/comic dynamic can be dicy. When you are starting out you are really at the mercy of the owner because you want to get on stage. You want work. So, you take what comes with the gig. Good or bad. Suck it up.
I had a new kind of awful onstage experience at Helium over the weekend. I really thought I had all the bad experiences that were possible at a comedy club but nope. Surprise. I imagine those of you who listen to my show may have heard comics mention the check spot or the check drop. It’s when the servers give the audience their checks to pay out. It usually happens about two thirds of the way into your set. Not a great time. The audience gets distracted with math and money but we have all learned to take the hit and lose the attention of much of the audience for a bit. It's part of the job. It’s a rare club that doesn’t have a check drop.
Helium has taken it to a whole new level. Apparently, they have a franchise wide POS system. The card machines to take the payments are linked to a network. Fine. The problem is, each machine beeps with every transaction. That’s right, an audible check drop. Just random beeps coming from all over the audiences for 15 minutes during your set. I can’t think of a bigger indicator of giving zero fucks about actual standup than that. An ongoing distracting reminder of what you are really there to do. Sell drinks.
Apparently it’s been going on for a couple of years at the club. I couldn’t believe it. I guess now I know there’s a new shitty on-stage experience for the list. Noted.
Today I have a moving and funny talk with Gary Gulman about his new book and his struggle with mental health stuff. Thursday I talk to comedian Aparna Nancherla about her new book and her life in comedy. Great talks.
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
