The heaviness, People.
Rodney called it the heaviness.
That weight in your chest that you are trying to pull up with your mind. That sinking heartache. It’s depression if it’s depression. It’s sadness if it’s heartbreak. I will not medicate heartbreak. I well shoulder it. Move through it. Push it back.
Maybe that’s what I should call my new tour/special. Marc Maron’s ‘Pushing Back the Sadness’ tour.
I’m not sure that would bring people in.
I have never felt like I needed to do comedy for the reasons I am doing it for now. I mean, I have always been compulsive about doing the sets. It is what I do. Now, though, I am managing tangible existential sadness, heartbreak and anger that I have to alchemize into something entertaining just so I am not falling into a pit within.
My tone onstage fluctuates. I have been very focused and grounded but I move between excited connection and engagement and sharing of fears and insanity to pushing buttons and riding an edge of tension that I can’t always relieve. I have felt it a couple of times about two thirds of the way through a 15-minute set where I know the audience wants to be set free of what I am saying and even me but I just can’t do it. I brought it up on stage while it was happening the other night. I said I didn’t know why I was doing it and its making me want to laugh/cry and I’m not even sure it’s comedy and I’m not sure that matters anymore. The acknowledgement of that feeling created a cathartic moment of laughter and release for me and the audience that was amazing.
I am very aware of where my creativity is coming from right now. So is the audience. I got on stage in the smaller room the other night and just talked, quietly about where we all are culturally. It was funny, but I was using my open-hearted tone. Then I heard a woman in the audience say something I couldn’t make out. I asked what she said and the man she was with said, ‘She said she feels sad for you.’ Wow.
I remember once when I was a doorman and Rodney was on stage and someone in the audience shouted, ‘Hey, Rodney! Why are you so sad?’ It completely shook him up. ‘What the fuck does that mean?’ He said. He couldn’t really get back to his set after that.
Sometimes we crack and seep. I was able to address it directly because I did it on purpose. I let them see it. Then I let them watch me push it back. Great sets.
Today I talk to Joseph Gordon Levitt about his new show Mr. Corman and a life in the biz. On Thursday I talk to A.O. Scott about criticism, art and life. Great talks!
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron