Inspiration, People.
I don’t know why I keep pushing myself to create. I don’t think of it as a responsibility or anything especially disciplined other than showing up and doing what I’ve always done. It’s a habit. It’s what I do. I love it, usually.
I think what is happening now is something that has always happened. I did the special, now I’m just treading water, staying in shape, playing with ideas. I’ve got a good 45 new minutes that work well. I’m enjoying it. But at some point, something deeper has to happen for me. I have to access some throughlines or emotional ideas that have some resonance and emotional risk for me. I need to get out there on ice, the tightrope, whatever you want to call it.
I seem to go through a spiral of insecurity during these unique times. Generally what brings it on is watching the work of people I respect. Not comics. I’ve been watching movies, films. Some I’ve seen, some I haven’t. I can’t keep up with the present but I certainly can’t keep up with the past.
The point is, I generally don’t see myself as an artist. The odd thing about standup is that it's a base endeavor. In its purest form it’s just someone telling jokes and getting laughs. That is literally all that’s required. Even when I put a special out in the world, people generally watch the special once and then years later for whatever reason may watch it again to see if it still makes them laugh.
That’s the half of it. I know what I do is a bit different and I generally feel like I’ve pulled something out of myself and molded it into something that does the job and honors the expectations of it but transcends it as well. I’m aware of that.
At times like these, I just hit a wall and doubt the whole endeavor. So I watched a couple of Wim Wenders movies and a Todd Haynes movie. All movies that I have seen when I was younger. I realized watching them that it wasn’t nostalgia. It was me upgrading my brain. Because they were real art. I needed to re-engage with them so we would both see where we were at. The Art and me. I’ve changed, it’s changed. We grow together. I see myself differently each time I engage with it.
That’s what art can do.
Then, I beat the shit out of myself for a bit.
It ultimately made me accept, in the moment, that standup is the craft I have chosen or that chose me. I’m not a filmmaker or a painter or even a writer. I’m a comic. This all made me push myself into a place of beginning to take the risks on stage I needed to in order to start doing the work that is important to me to do. That is all I know. I don’t know if it’s art, but it’s what I do.
Today I check back in with comedian Kyle Kinane after a lot of years. It was great seeing him and catching up. On Thursday I talk to a great character actor, Clifton Collins Jr. Good week.
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
The Art and Me.
