Lock down, People
I don’t even know how long it’s been but I know it seems like it’s been longer.
I do like the quiet. I like knowing I’m not missing out on anything. I like that I’m not sick. I feel bad for people who are. It’s a nasty bug. Deadly.
I’m worried about my mom down in Florida. I just feel that it’s about to get really bad down there. I know it will be bad everywhere eventually but it seems that leadership there is a special kind of stupid. Proudly belligerent. All the seniors down there. So many people. Densely populated. Just worried. Hope for the best.
We’ve been doing okay here at the house. I get dressed in the morning. I feel busy. Doing shit around the house. Cooking. Reading a little. Watching stuff. Running. I usually hike but they’ve closed all the trails so now I’m just running on the hard asphalt. I have no choice. 4 mile a few times a week. Dealing.
I wish I was writing more. I wish I could get in touch with how I am feeling at my core and not just as a reaction to all the incoming garbage. I’m tired of commentary and speculation. I know it’s bad. I know how to stay safe, or as safe as I can. I know I have no control over most of what is happening. In that gap between incoming garbage and knowing what I can and cannot change I will have a life, in quarantine. I will think, assess. Figure out where I stand with myself and with this world. The big work. Godless. Grounded.
I watched The Passenger last night on The Criterion Channel. It’s an Antonioni movie. I have seen Blow Up and Red Desert. In all honesty, when I saw Red Desert I was in a film history class in college and had no idea what I was watching or why. I remember it was stunning and colorful but not unlike most art I felt like I was missing something. The genius or meaning was eluding me. It’s great to watch this stuff as an adult. I thought The Passenger was stunning and uniquely shot and conceived. I thought the way the story was stripped down was effective. It made me think. Many of the shots resonated in my mind.
It was made in the seventies and it had a bleak ending. It explores existential themes like what is the self, meaning, courage, purpose, masculinity, truth. All the good stuff. Jack Nicholson stars in it. It’s always exciting to see the early work of a great artist for the first time, now.
Today I talk to Ben Sinclair from HBO’s High Maintenance about being who he is. I thought he was a bit off when I watched the show. Turns out we have a lot in common. On Thursday I try to follow comic Byron Bower’s seeming stream of consciousness conversation. Great talks!
Enjoy!
Love,
Maron