Making things right, Friends
‘Question: Is control controlled by its need to control? Answer: Yes.’ -William Burroughs
So much is out of our control, almost everything. That is something that became very apparent in the last year. Also, what fills a vacuum of when control starts to break apart. Nothing good. All the patterns, habits, actions we put into place to feel like we have a little handle on little things are necessary to maintain some stability, right? I guess. It feels like the edge of chaos is easing into the every day all the time.
I don’t know. I bought three Watermelons in one day. Trying to make things right. Trying to have some control over my life, a sense of justice. Righting a serendipitous wrong. Is anything serendipitous. Yes, stupid. There are no tea leaves to read. It’s windy.
It’s the season for the melons. I thought I had gotten pretty good at picking the pretty good ones. I hold a melon to my head, press my ear into it and knock. If it sounds like I’m knocking on a wooden door to an empty room that’s good. If it has a creamy yellow spot on it, that’s good. I bought a good one early in the day, brought it home, cut it open. It as weird, bad. The rind was too thick. The flesh was red and sweet but chewy. No one wants a chewy melon. I was mad. At what though? Myself? My luck? My system breaking down? It was unfair, but there was no real culprit.
In an obsessive huff I went to another market. I got another melon, a bigger melon. It past all the tests. I got it home, cut it open. It was ripe, too ripe. It was mealy in places. It had to be eaten quickly. It was a twenty pound melon. Theres only me. Too much pressure, not perfect. I was furious. Though it was good, I did not ‘nail it’ as they say. It was and is good though. Still eating.
I did go get another melon, a third melon. It past all the checks. I haven’t cut into it. I’ll wait. I want to feel what it feels like to believe that it is perfect for a day or too. That there is justice . That my skill set matters. That I don’t have bad luck. That things can be right in the world. That I have some control over my life.
I talk to William Zabka today about Cobra Kai and playing bullies and his life in show business. On Thursday I talk to Danny Elfman about his music and life in show business. Great talks.
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
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