Going back again, People
I visited my dad this past weekend. He is hanging in. He seems even more present and engaged than the last time I was there. I’m not hanging on to hope necessarily but it is very nice that he is not worse. I got him and his wife laughing quite a bit. The jokes are still landing with him and that’s a good sign. They are usually about him. So, his wife laughs even more than him. I think she needs it more.
Kit went with me which was very supportive and good. It’s not really easy for me and it can't be easy for her. To be honest I’m not sure I’ve taken in the full emotional weight of it all. Maybe I have. I don’t know. I have a level of acceptance about his condition and I don’t project into an almost guaranteed horrible future much.
I feel it’s my responsibility to spend as much time as I can handle with him but I’m also enjoying it. It makes me appreciate him more and think about him and the life we’ve had more intently.
When someone is losing it mentally I would imagine it’s common for most of the conversations to either be a direct or an indirect attempt to jog or refresh memories. It helps both of us.
I’ve been trying to trigger memories a lot lately. Especially when I visit my hometown, Albuquerque. I almost always go by the two houses that I grew up in. I just look at them and let the memories come. This time I went by my elementary school as well. I went to the streets I walked and drove on as a child. I drove the old highway behind the mountain to appreciate what is truly beautiful about New Mexico outside of me and my memories. The timeless vibe of the mesas and piñon trees and mountains and the expanse of clouds that was the ever-present backdrop of my childhood and remains within me now, easily activated.
I’ve been thinking about the past not nostalgically but almost in an attempt to track my journey to who I am now. When I go home, there’s always new fragments that find their place in the timeline. Younger bits and pieces, moments, feelings, fleeting images of my life that I can now understand with the benefit of hindsight and some acceptance. It’s like filling in the gaps and filling up my sense of self.
Albuquerque is a strange, somewhat beaten city. Not unlike most cities there’s an element of tragic, rugged, desperate humanity. This also shifts my perception of the place and expands the lense on how time passing and cultural problems persisting coincides with my own aging.
It was great to talk to Lukas Nelson today about his relationship with his father Willie and how loving and supportive it is and was. Recording that talk before I saw my dad humbled me a bit. I didn’t really have that feeling growing up but it seems to be happening now.
I talk to comedian Sarah Tiana on Thursday. I see her almost every week but we’ve never really hung out. Not unlike most of us comics her journey to do the comedy she wants to do is unique. It was nice talking to her and Lukas.
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
Jogging Memories.
