Vessel Repair.

How are you, People?

I’m in pain. Physical pain. Like, all the time. It’s my own fault. I have to choose between beating the shit out of myself mentally or beating the shit out of myself physically so I won’t do it mentally. 

I guess some things just aren’t going to change for me. I need to be within a certain weight range for me to believe I deserve to live. I am my mother’s son. 

I came home from weeks on and off the road and I definitely did not feel well in my vessel. My slightly heavier vessel. So, I had to focus and begin vessel repair. I was carrying a lot of ice cream and bad food choices. 

Over the last week I did my 50-minute straight incline hike and 20 minutes straight decline jogging descent three times. Alternating days. The other three alternating days I worked out. By the time Saturday came around I could barely walk but I felt like I was doing what I needed to do. I brought my calorie intake down to about 2000 a day and that became the job. 

My shoulders are fucked, my back is fucked, my big toes have been fucked for years. Now my left ear is fucked but that’s a different issue. 

This level of compulsive exercise had served me through the pandemic and through my grief. If I stop for a few days my brain goes dark and my pants don’t fit right. 

I figured out that my shoulders are probably a mess because I strained them doing pull ups and they never heal because of the yoga I do every day. My back, I don’t know. I wake up in pain. 

I decided to go to an acupuncturist. She did Gua Sha on me. Scraped at my pained places with a tool designed to do that kind of scraping. She burst a bunch of capillaries and made weird bruises all over my body. This is good according to the discipline. She stuck the needles in places and cupped a bit of blood out of others. I don’t do the Chinese folk medicine often. I’ve done it once in my life. I’m supposed to know if it helped by tomorrow. I do feel like I’ve been through something. Something less than shoulder or back surgery. 

In my heart I know that the real solution is to take it easier, maybe even take a month off. I just can't. I assume eventually I will break somewhere and have no choice. That will teach me to not accept myself. 

Today I talk to Taraji P. Henson, who I love. Totally. On Thursday I talk to Alan Ruck about Beuller through Succession. Great talks. Truly. 

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live! 

Love,

Maron

Dark Frequencies.

Indiana, People!

I’m back from Bloomington and home for a while. The material is coming along fine. I’m still riffing stuff out and need to lighten it up a bit. Shit is dark.

I usually go to Bloomington once a year or so. I haven’t been there in a while obviously. It was good to be back. The Comedy Attic is truly a great little club. It’s perfect for working shit out. I know most people think of Bloomington as a college town and it is. It’s something else though. I can never figure out what exactly.

Like I said, I’ve been going there for years and every time I’m there I feel a weirdness, maybe even a darkness pervading the chipper little city-sized quad. I mean, Indiana is sort of a red state shit show. This darkness is deeper and weirder. I think it has something to do with those quarries. Maybe they dug too deep and they unleashed something primitive. It isn’t menacing. Just crispy. Most of the times I’ve been there something weird has happened. With people. In hotel rooms. You know what I’m saying. That doesn’t really speak to the vibe though. Maybe mine, but not the general dark frequency, but maybe part of the cause.

It must be the layers. The primitive weirdness, the Republican weirdness, the college students that repeat themselves year after year like well grooved synaptic canals, the people that never leave the school for one reason or another, the locals and the drug addicts. It’s a strange balance.

The crowds are always great and the room is so small and tight there is no distance between thought and expression and it landing. No hiding.

The late shows get loopy because I can’t auto pilot. It’s a lot to put out.

I don’t know why I am a take-the-first-flight-out-guy but I kind of am. Especially if it's only one of a few nonstops. I got to bed around one on Saturday night and woke up at 4:15 to get on the road at 4:45 to drive the hour to Indianapolis and drop the rental off and get a 7am flight. Too early to even get coffee somewhere. Driving in the dark in basically waking consciousness while it's drizzling is a trip. Literally and figuratively. Did it really happen? It did. I am home.

The idea is, if I leave early, I’ll have a whole day at home in LA. A whole exhausted, loopy day that feels like it’s happening underwater. Totally worth getting up early to travel.

Today, I talk to Julie Delpy about her new show ‘On the Verge’ and her career and family and France. On Thursday, I talk to journalist and music critic Kelefa Sanneh about music and life. Good talks!

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

Grievance Addiction.

Home for a couple of days, People.

The Seattle and Portland shows were great.

I scheduled them so I could get a day or two in each town as well as the shows. Dean came with me. We did the Seattle show at The Neptune Theater. I believe my first theater show was at the Neptune. I like it. It can be intimate. The last time I was in Seattle I played The Moore, which is much bigger, but I’m over it. It’s about the work now. I just want to be places where I can do the best work.

Same with The Aladdin in Portland. We did two sold out shows there. All these places seat between six and seven hundred. You can still get personal in that sized space. There was a lot of riffing going on but the show is taking shape for sure.

Saw a few friends in both places. Ate a lot of good food. Hiked around waterfalls in Portland. Started some shit by posting about a guitar store in Seattle on IG. The people there treated me like total garbage and I got mad. I unleashed a shit storm of hate and grievance fire on them and some on me but it was a real lesson. I took the post down. I saw the beast of grievance addiction. Everyone is looking for someone to take down a notch to try to feel better. We can't seem to accept surrender and powerlessness in the face of our mutual problems. Many of which we created together. I guess it's easier to try to be satisfied by landing your anger than by working together to transcend and correct. I’m guilty as well.

Me and Dean were just excited to be looking at guitars. I was looking for an old Stratocaster specifically. After we were slagged and condescended to at one place we went to another place, Thunder Road Guitars. I bought a new relic Strat from the master builders at Fender. It’s a beauty. Guitar seems to be my only real hobby so I bought myself a birthday present.

I’m 58 today. My head is old.

Today I talk to BJ Novak. We deal with my problem with him. Petty. On Thursday I talk to the comedian Rosebud Baker about getting one's shit together and her grandfather, James Baker III. Yeah, Satan. Her grandfather is Satan! Great talks!

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

The Catch.

Back for a couple of days, Folks.

I have to say I haven’t changed my mind about Missouri but St. Louis is great.

When I travel I don’t always know where I am. I remember some things from some places. Sometimes I’m not sure which place has what. I remembered being in St. Louis when I got there. It was definitely one of the great midwestern cities and now it's just a pretty good one as far as that goes. So many of them seem to have fallen and then slowly come back around. The lady who owns Clementine’s Ice Cream showed me around the city and let me have some ice cream and I was ready to move there. Apparently, the cost of living is amazing. The museums and zoo are free. Free outdoor concerts. Beautiful parks. Great coffee and food. Amazing record store. The catch is, you’re in Missouri. That’s a big crazy, right-wing, Christian catch. But the ice cream is very good. Time will tell.

When I was there I didn’t feel how scary the rural parts of the state are or how awful and violent the racism is but I knew it was all around. I guess, sadly, that’s the same as anywhere. When you live in a blue city in an aggressively red state your progressivism is tempered by your fear in the face of what you don’t know about your neighbors or coworkers. So, just don’t talk about that stuff. You know, politics, religion, LGBTQ issues, race, vaccines, etc. Just keep it light. Food and weather. Save it for the meetings of like-minded people.

I did go to one of the most amazing record stores I’ve ever been in. Euclid Records is a marvel. I would say it’s an old school used record store but it isn’t. It’s just a great one. With so much stock of actual quality USED records. So many record stores that claim to be used record stores just have all the new releases of older stuff or RSD releases. The other store I went to in St. Louis is Vintage Vinyl. Another place with a tremendous stock of actual old records. I bought a lot of vinyl. I’m wondering when I’m going to hit the wall with the vinyl thing. I know when I do there will be record shelves against it. Running out of room.

The five shows at Helium Comedy Club were truly great. I got a lot of work done. Despite saying shitty things about their state leading up to it, which I am not sorry for, the vaxxed crowds were great. Even though I had to deal with a bachelorette party. Old school. The babysitting job. It was fine. I still have the chops to deal. I made some really good headway with the new material and went on some serious improvisational journeys at the late shows. Mary Radzinski opened for me and she’s always great. She’s opened for me many times.

So, thank you, St. Louis!

Today I talk to Sopranos creator David Chase about the new film The Many Saints of Newark which he wrote---it's about the Sopranos when they were younger. We talk a lot of old TV too. On Thursday I talk to the creator of The Black List, Franklin Leonard, about the state of the American screenplay and quality of movies being made and the slow growing inclusiveness in the industry. Great talks!

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

A Nagging Feeling.

Jazz, People!

I know it’s ridiculous but I’m just now getting into Bill Evans. I don’t want to hear anything about it. There is no more late-to-the-party. Some people will go through their entire lives having no idea who Bill Evans is. Most people. I’m not sure what my aversion was. I’m not a huge piano guy but maybe that’s changing. The Evans rabbit hole is deep, maybe endless, given the depth of the dude’s playing.

Since the lockdown and the shutdown of life, my sense of time has not been the same and has not returned. It is undefined. Hours, days, weeks, go by as one. I sleep. Nothing seems repetitive. It all does seem nebulous and somewhat hopeless depending on the day and what I allow my head to do. I am grounded though. When you can’t seem to wrap your brain around knowing what date it is or what you have to do on upcoming dates, life is pretty surprising, which is good.

I can’t really plan too far into the future but I do have a sense of what needs to be done. That’s always been how my brain works. I have things I want to accomplish and I just plant them in my mind. I don’t freak out about getting them done but if I really want them to happen or if it’s a creative project it starts to manifest in its own time. No date necessary, just the urgency of creation based on a need to understand where I am in my life and share it. Hopefully in some kind of funny, poignant way.

Lately I have started to have the nagging feeling that it may be time to start thinking about where to live. It’s not panic. I love my house. I don’t want to move. It is starting to feel like there is a momentum, certainly environmentally, but culturally too, that it may be time to give up on the American project. I know there is ‘no place to run’ but there kind of is. We’ll see. It feels like we're close to a collapse and neighbors will kill neighbors for thinking differently. Sounds crazy but it’s happened over and over again in this human world and no amount of streaming services can hold it back. They can keep us disengaged and indoors. Someone will eventually knock, then several will pound, then they will break the door down.

Just not sure I want to be home for that.

Obviously, if it’s going to rain fire and the air will be sucked out of all of us at once there’s no avoiding it but I could be in a prettier place when it happens.

This has been a dark dispatch but there is some fun on the horizon. The one date I know I am working towards is my show in NYC at Town Hall for the New York Comedy Festival on November 13. I’m starting to feel like there is a high probability that I will have an hour plus of material that I really like and that I think is relevant, good work. At least to me. I’m also excited to spend some time in the city. It’s been a long while.

I’ll be in St. Louis at Helium this weekend if you want to come see me. I know some of you shit state progressives are upset with me for not being more diplomatic when I dump on your Christo-fascist failure states but I can’t be. If you don’t want to come to the shows, you don’t have to email in protest. It doesn’t matter. I understand your plight but the truth is what it is. I know you’re trying but the jig is up. No more tunnels to get through. This is it or some slight variation of this.

Today I talk to Tim Reid about his beginnings in one of the first biracial comedy teams and his time in Chicago and at the Comedy Store. On Thursday I talk to my old friend Melanie Vesey about her strange dark journey to standup. Great talks.

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

Freaked Out.

No more good news, People!

It really feels that way. I guess I’ve said it before. I just seems like there’s not going to be any good news about anything ever again. Now we have to grade the news on a curve. Last week, Northeast floods, deaths, Texas effectively bans abortion and health care is compromised for millions of women, fires. Arguably, if we are grading on a curve, the best news last week was probably Joe Rogan getting Covid. That’s not a judgment or an opinion. It’s science.

The news is mostly updates of the waves of plague, the wave of fascism and fires and floods.

Texas has become a bonafide dark fascist playground. Anyone can carry a gun in public now whether or not they know how to use it. Woman almost never get an abortion there. Covid is rampant and the governor is the opposite of a strong man. He’s a small man pretending. Texas is the home and headquarters of the tribalized, anti-progressive comedy movement that seeks to dismantle actual truth telling and humane humor, to displace it and become the dominant paradigm. It is a front operation for right wing propaganda whether they know it or not. Get out of Texas. Dangerous times and also a harbinger of things to come, everywhere.

To quote my producer, Brendan: "Texas is like Florida only without the lefty Jews to balance it out."

Fuck Florida, too.

I did have an amazing event happen in my life last week. While I was playing at Largo, the stage tech, Barry Skills, told me that Patti Smith was playing in Joshua Tree at Pappy and Harriet’s on Tuesday. I asked him if I could get in. He said he would check. I said I could text Patti. He said go for it. I don’t usually do that but I really wanted to see her because she’s amazing. I texted. She said I could come. Then she texted that Barry told her I played guitar and she asked if I wanted to play acoustic on the finale, ‘The People Have the Power.’ I freaked out for a few but said yes.

In the past, knowing I was going to play would’ve ruined all the time leading up to it and maybe even during it. This time, I just calmly took the time to learn the song and was ready. When she called me up to the stage it was actually fun and an honor. I think I did pretty good. It’s a small outfit. Just her, her son and a bass player. No place to hide. I Stonesed it up a bit. Felt good.

Today I talk to Shasheer Zamata about getting SNL, leaving SNL and where her life went after that. On Thursday I talk to Steve Buscemi about 9/11, NYC, acting, firefighters and theatre. Great talks!

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

In the Music.

I rocked it pretty well, Folks!

The combo played Largo. We have no name for the band because I wasn’t sure we were going to be a band for the long haul and obviously we may not be. I do think we will do it again in a couple months.

The experience was great. I was so honored that Jimmy Vivino played with us. He played the whole night with us. This is a guy who used to teach me licks every time I did Conan. I would be more excited to be surprised by whatever guitar he put in my dressing room to noodle on than I would be to do the show. Over the years he gave me a lot of quick lessons. Towards the end of the show format that had the whole band, he let me sit in. He would let me play a couple of tunes when he was playing with his band somewhere. Last weeks, he was playing in my band. I could barely handle it initially.

He said it’s not a competition. We are equals here. So cool.

I really wasn’t that nervous. I was more worried I would fuck up. I wasn’t scared. Just wanted shit to land and I wanted to stay in the present, grounded. No disappearing or leaving my body.

I couldn’t stop thinking, ‘Lynn would’ve LOVED this!’ She would have. She wanted it for me. She would’ve been 56 last Friday. Hard day.

For those of you who know the backstory, I believe I resolved my trauma from music camp and now want to get a bit more experience playing with other musicians and in front of people.

That’s the major thing I realized. I don’t have those kind of chops on any level. If I want them I’ll have to earn them. I still feel like an amateur, which I am, but I can be me in the music for whatever that is worth.

The only dubious call was to play the dirge-like ‘Isis’ which is a long ass Dylan song that not everyone knows. Risky. Got a little wobbly in the middle of that one. I thought they may have been bored or ready to go. I really don’t know how the whole thing was received. Like, were people just happy I did it or was it enjoyable to listen to.

I’ll figure that out later.

Today I talk to Billie Jean King about her life. Thursday, I have a loopy conversation with Zoe Lister-Jones about her new movie ‘How It Ends’ and her career. Fun talks.

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

A Nice Theocracy.

Back from Utah, Folks!

I did five great shows in SLC. I mean it. Really connected, wild shows. With a lot of exploring, riffing. 

I loved to riff on the Mormons and they seem to like it as well. Not the standard secret underwear stuff. I try to go deeper with it. 

I always wonder why I go to Salt Lake City. It doesn’t seem like a city that would be my people but it always is. Right when I get there I remember that I like the place. It’s truly weird. As critical as I am of religion and fanatics and the possibility of an evolving fascist theocracy in this country, when I am in an actual theocracy, I kind of find it relaxing. The people are always very nice and very game as an audience. It’s definitely more weird than evil there. At least from what I can tell. It’s a nice theocracy. 

It is a Mormon-run state though, I believe. 

I got into a friendly spat on Twitter with some guy who took issue with me calling it a theocracy (which it is) and that SLC was a progressive, diverse, (not really) growing city. With a large LGBQT community and a lot of groovy people. That may be true but it is only because the elders are allowing it and it is good for business. I assume. 

I was a little disappointed I didn’t get to visit Temple Square and see the Space Jesus statue and walk around the history of the Wild West American Jesus Cult origins. It looked like something was going on there. Either a massive renovation or they built a launching pad around the Temple and are preparing to lift off. Planet Mormon on the horizon. 

I had a good time in Utah. Even though there seems to be zero fucks given about any commitment to public health I was able to host five vax-only shows and pretty much sell them out. I want to thank my Utah fans for being grown-ups. 

Today I have an in depth talk with Barry Jenkins about most of his films including Moonlight and If Beale Street Could Talk. We do focus on his new series The Underground Railroad quite a bit. It is a piece of art in its entirety and nothing we talked about takes away from the experience of watching it. On Thursday I talk to my GLOW co-star Kimmy Gatewood about her coming up through the comedy sketch/improv world and becoming a TV and film director. Most recently of Iliza Schlesinger’s Good on Paper.

Great talks!

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,

Maron

Evolution

Panic, People.

Am I the only one on the edge of total panic most of the time? I’m surprised I haven’t lost my shit, like at all, in terms of panic. Not in years really. It must be because I’m older and I know how to stop it before it takes over. It is just right there, like right next to me or just on the periphery of my consciousness.

It’s become difficult to believe that things will ever get better ever again.

The data is in. It looks like all we can do is adapt to the disasters we’ve caused on almost all fronts. It doesn’t matter how much you crave a happy ending or even just a mundane ending. It guarantees nothing. I know, we do what we can, but it's starting to become apparent it’s probably not enough.

From a recent notebook: Whatever we’ve become, we’ve done it together and no amount of accountability is going to change that.

So, what is my responsibility as an ‘entertainer?' Is it to provide relief? Enforce deniability? Frame the truth as I see it in a painfully dark, funny way? I’m going with the last one. It’s always been what I do. On some level I always thought and assumed that I was wrong and weird for thinking the way I do. It turns out I’m not wrong and the only weird thing is I say it aloud and try to make it funny so I can fucking deal and maybe that will help you.

I drove out to Phoenix for my two shows at Standup Live. The next evolution of the 1:15 I seem to be landing at. Which is perfect. Taking it from the supportive safety of Dynasty Typewriter into the subterranean old school Comedy Works in Denver to the corporate style big room of Standup Live. It was great!

Making the show vax only made the audience feel better. Because Phoenix is sort of a hot crucible of political dumbfuckery and righty theatrics, the shows felt like secret meetings of the reasonable and clear-headed.

I have real questions about my approach when I perform for mainstream audiences. I cannot generalize or stereotype too much. It’s all very personal. So, audiences will have to relate to me or enjoy the fact that they don’t. I can't speak for ‘guys’ or share like I’m exactly like anyone else. I think that’s part of the problem. The celebration of surfaces.

Today I talk to Marlon Wayans, who is my co-star in Respect. We have fun. Comics busting balls. Also acting talk and Wayans family riffing. On Thursday I have an amazing talk with Liesl Tommy who directed Respect about coming from South Africa and growing up in Newton, MA and how theater defined who she became. Great talks.

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

Structure and Themes.

The smoky, orange haze is upon us, Folks.

I was in Denver for three days. There are no fires in the immediate vicinity but the fires that are tearing through Northern California are generating so much smoke that the skies in Denver were a murky, dry, flaming haze. The sun looked like the sun on the horizon at the end of time. I guess we get used to it until… the end of time. When most of Western America is called the Great Desert.

Dealing with the sky and the altitude makes it very challenging to function. The day I woke up to leave I finally felt like I could breathe properly.

All that said I had some monumental comedy sets at The Comedy Works. It is truly one of the great clubs. It’s a tiered basement room with ceilings so low your head almost touches them. Perfect.

Coming out of months of doing short 15 to 20 minute sets at the Comedy Store every night and the four hour-plus riff shows at Dynasty Typewriter it was time to start tightening what I had. If I actually had anything. It was time to figure out what the bits were and whether or not they can stand on their own. The only place to do that kind of work is a comedy club. Where doing the job is the imperative? The job of getting laughs.

Thursday was fragmented and a little choppy but good. Though it did send me spiraling for the following day. I sat with my dumb notes spread out on a table at the Crema Coffee House in Five Points. I just sat there beating the shit out of myself for doing the work this way. The way I have always done it. I thought, I can’t do this nightclub shit anymore. I don’t need to. Why put myself through late shows on Friday and Saturday? This stuff I’m doing is delicate. It needs to be done in a supportive room. Not for drunks in a nightclub.

Then I remembered. Oh, yeah. I’m a professional fucking comedian and this is the way I have been doing it for 30 plus years. This is how you do the work. You build the set-in front of strangers in a nightclub to make sure the bits have shape and land. Truth be told, at this point, these rooms are supportive. They are my audience coming to see me. Also, there nothing like a comedy club set when it hits. That is where standup happens. It’s the best place to perform and see comedy. Theater shows are for when the frenzy of the work and the riff and the immediacy flattens into an act. Still good, but not the same.

So, despite the spiraling and telling myself I should probably quit, Friday and Saturday were amazing shows. Early and late. I started to structure the hour, figure out the themes, and work some of the bits in different ways to see what sticks. I also started to get rid of pieces that weren’t quite there.

It was a great weekend for me and I believe the people who came saw something real and funny and a bit sad and dark in places but that’s what I do.

All the shows were vax only so there wasn’t that weight of immediate fear in the room which made people a bit more comfortable. All the upcoming club shows that I am doing will be vax only. If some of you believe that infringes on your freedom you are free not to come. It’s a public health issue. Period.

I’ll be in Phoenix at Standup Live this Thursday and Friday. You can check the schedule at wtfpod.com/tour for more dates.

Today I talk to Tom McCarthy, the writer/director of ‘Stillwater’ ‘Spotlight’ and ‘The Station Agent.’ Thursday, I talk to writer/director Sterlin Harjo about his Native life, his feature films and his new show ‘Reservation Dogs.’ Great talks.

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

The Edge of Tension.

The heaviness, People.

Rodney called it the heaviness.

That weight in your chest that you are trying to pull up with your mind. That sinking heartache. It’s depression if it’s depression. It’s sadness if it’s heartbreak. I will not medicate heartbreak. I well shoulder it. Move through it. Push it back.

Maybe that’s what I should call my new tour/special. Marc Maron’s ‘Pushing Back the Sadness’ tour.

I’m not sure that would bring people in.

I have never felt like I needed to do comedy for the reasons I am doing it for now. I mean, I have always been compulsive about doing the sets. It is what I do. Now, though, I am managing tangible existential sadness, heartbreak and anger that I have to alchemize into something entertaining just so I am not falling into a pit within.

My tone onstage fluctuates. I have been very focused and grounded but I move between excited connection and engagement and sharing of fears and insanity to pushing buttons and riding an edge of tension that I can’t always relieve. I have felt it a couple of times about two thirds of the way through a 15-minute set where I know the audience wants to be set free of what I am saying and even me but I just can’t do it. I brought it up on stage while it was happening the other night. I said I didn’t know why I was doing it and its making me want to laugh/cry and I’m not even sure it’s comedy and I’m not sure that matters anymore. The acknowledgement of that feeling created a cathartic moment of laughter and release for me and the audience that was amazing.

I am very aware of where my creativity is coming from right now. So is the audience. I got on stage in the smaller room the other night and just talked, quietly about where we all are culturally. It was funny, but I was using my open-hearted tone. Then I heard a woman in the audience say something I couldn’t make out. I asked what she said and the man she was with said, ‘She said she feels sad for you.’ Wow.

I remember once when I was a doorman and Rodney was on stage and someone in the audience shouted, ‘Hey, Rodney! Why are you so sad?’ It completely shook him up. ‘What the fuck does that mean?’ He said. He couldn’t really get back to his set after that.

Sometimes we crack and seep. I was able to address it directly because I did it on purpose. I let them see it. Then I let them watch me push it back. Great sets.

Today I talk to Joseph Gordon Levitt about his new show Mr. Corman and a life in the biz. On Thursday I talk to A.O. Scott about criticism, art and life. Great talks!

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

Men In Deep Pain.

Movies are back, People!

I went to the movies. I guess that’s what I mean. I wore a mask and sat with others and enjoyed the communal experience of seeing a movie. I was at an art theater so the screen wasn’t that big but it was still going to the movies.

I saw ‘Pig.’

I rarely feel compelled to go to a movie but I felt like I had to see that movie. I don’t know why exactly. I know it seemed like Nic Cage would be back in good form and the story seemed odd. It was about a man trying to get his truffle pig back after it had been kidnapped. Like, what?

I just had to see it. It seemed like it could be moving or ridiculous.

‘Pig’ is not unlike the new Matt Damon movie, ‘Stillwater.’ The main character is tragically flawed but on a heroic quest. I saw the film in preparation for my talk with Matt on the show today. Again, with this film, I did not know what it was about but it seemed it was about a man trying to save his daughter who is in jail in another country. I naturally thought it was another possible franchise film for Damon not unlike the tedious Neeson ‘Taken’ films. It was so not that. Though it would be hilarious if the sad, shallow character from ‘Stillwater’ did a few follow up movies.

These two films are about men in pain. Deep pain. Both have made messes of their lives. Both are unable to get out from under their grief and shame for very long but they are both trying to live righteous lives. Cage’s character, in the woods, simply, authentically. Damon’s character, in pursuit of justice for his jailed daughter. Both attempts at the hero’s journey in these movies are fraught and the outcomes are challenging. (No spoilers.) The humanity of the two men is painfully revealed and grounded in a familiar darkness. The darkness of the pain of making aggressive, dubious choices with one’s life and the repercussions of that.

In ‘Stillwater’ the story plays out as a story happening in reality. In ‘Pig’ it plays out in a slightly tweaked reality frame that tends towards allegory and myth. I was left with the common experience of facing down a moral conundrum and how one moves on from that with ‘Stillwater.’ With ‘Pig,’ I was shattered and thrown back into the untethered space of my own grief. These are beautiful explorations of the antihero. One in the real world trying to self-correct his past and the other in the mythical world of pursuing ones passion at any cost and the striving for an authentic life. There are prices to be paid in both.

Good films.

As I said, I talk to Matt Damon today. I talk to guitarist Lindsey Buckingham on Thursday.

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

Looking Back.

The past, people. The past.

I don’t know if anyone else experiences this but when I am in waking consciousness, not quite a dream, my entire brain is mine but the life I am living is not the life I am in. It is an alternate life. Different plans. Different priorities. Different memories. Different clothing. Different job. They are all mine though and feel like my day-to-day until I come back into this world. I don’t believe in parallel universes but I would like to know more about my other life.

I don’t know why I can go there or where it is but it is a bit duller than the life I actually live.

Memories are kind of like that. The older I get the less I can understand who I was as a younger man and how I did the things I did. From college forward, it is very hard for me to wrap my head around my choices and how I committed to the life that got me here. Looking back it feels traumatic. I did it all to myself but if I let my heart sink into what it must have felt like to put myself through the journey that got me here, it is filled with embarrassing heartbreak and profound panic.

I just call it ‘paying my dues.’ Which I guess is what it is. What an awful process. I can remember almost all of my embarrassments and pains even if they were in passing and small. I can’t remember the good things as well because I don’t think I ever framed them like that. They were just the other events that happened that were easier than the hard shit. The breakthroughs and the goals achieved and the highlights were all just ‘not the bad memories.’ I don’t feel them as good times or good memories. Just things I worked for, achieved and moved through.

Maybe the whole ‘you have to enjoy the process’ idea is a bullshit way to protect yourself from acknowledging failure and diminishing success. It’s all been about process for me and even when I attain what I have been working for it passes quickly as a goal that just fades fast in the rear view.

I think I am just reckoning with all the pain and fear that I have put myself through to get here. Where is here? Here is okay. Here is comfortable.

I am also reckoning with the pain and fear I have caused others. Integrating it. Learning from it. Seeing how and if I’ve changed and if I need to change more.

It seems that when I am in the throes of a heavy creative period I tend to beat the shit out of myself. I am doing that now. I am trying to be more accepting of it and trying to understand why it is happening and if there are amends to be made to myself or others. I am thinking about doing that. I am also seeing the events and feelings I am using to hurt myself and trying to understand how I can speak to them, for them, to learn and grow (or not).

Also, I like the life I am actually living better than the one I go to through the half-awake portal. I have better stuff in this one.

Today I talk to record producer Rick Rubin about Rick Rubin. Thursday, I talk to comedian, writer and retiring sex worker Sovereign Syre. Good talks!

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

The Cul-de-sac.

I need some sleep, People.

It doesn’t matter what time I go to bed I still seem to wake up at 6 am. Just happens. I thought it was what happens when you get old. You need less sleep. When I wake up though it feels like there’s a boulder on my chest. That’s not normal.

It must be anxiety, stress, unresolved grief, panic. Who knows? Between the world being on fire and my father being sick and trying to do a new set, maybe that could be the boulder. I’m exhausted. It’s not even that hot here yet. Just waiting. Waiting for the fires. Never ends.

I’m hiking and eating well and doing the creative work but it all feels a bit haunted. There’s a crackling of the dryness, kindling, at the edge of my feelings. I’m finding it harder to be diplomatic or keep my mouth shut when I feel compelled to say something that, though honest, may be off-putting. Oh, wait. That’s what I have been doing my entire career. That is a big part of what I do. Ok. Glad we worked this out.

I guess I’m just being hard on myself. Damn, that’s also what I always do. Okay. Maybe I should figure out why I am doing these things. Do they still serve me? Do I have any control over them? I mean, shit. I’m meditating. I should be able to turn this stuff off. I think that would require I turn everything off. Just shut it all down. Everything that requires a plug or a charge and just leave my heart connected and see what that does.

I’m just sick of what we call culture or the cul-de-sac I am driving around in or the fact that we all have a cul-de-sac. I’ll work it out. I’m probably just overwhelmed and sad and dealing. When I have that as a foundation my habit is to exacerbate it with a lot of other shit. Fire. Throw gas on the fire. Inside. If it’s outside I’ll focus on that.

Horrible way to get out of yourself.

I hung out with Lynn in a dream the other night. I asked her if she still loved me and she said she did. Then she asked me if I still loved her and I said I did. Then she told me that Marlon Wayans would do the podcast closer to the release of Respect. Which was an odd thing to tell me in that moment.

Today I talk to James Murphy from LCD Soundsystem. I actually just started listening to them. Shut up. There is no late to the party. It’s always going. Just have to go to some other cul-de-sacs. On Thursday I talk to Rick Ingraham. A new generation of a Comedy Store Institution. Great talks!

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

Unexpected Closure.

Hola, Amigos!

Sorry. In New Mexico for a few days. Seeing the old man while I can and he still has a few marbles left. Which he does.

I met my brother out here. I don’t think the three of us have been together in almost ten years. It’s been good. As difficult as accepting this situation is, it's good. It is not unusual. It’s something that happens to some people when they get old. It’s a sad way to fizzle out but we’re in it. He’s still able to register us and his feelings and have a few laughs so it’s been great. The immediacy of the frailty and vulnerability of what he is going through makes it feel safer for me to show some fairly genuine love for the guy. Not just make a joke or give a hug. I’m not sure it ever felt safe to love that guy growing up. Too unpredictable, too selfish, too painful. Maybe that’s the nature of this life arch if it works out correctly. The letting go. The being there for them. I always assumed it was for financial reasons or caregiving, which it is. That’s not all though. What I am experiencing is some real emotional connection and closure with the people that brought me up. People I couldn’t really feel that with in a ‘normal’ way. I think I should be grateful.

Life stinks. That is the truth of it all. Hearts breaking every day.

People do change though. I know I have. I know my father is, though by no choice of his own. It’s odd to appreciate it all. I can’t say that I am very good at being open and having feelings. I tend to mold them into ones I can manage but they are coming more frequently in a purer form. Again, I think I should be grateful. Life stinks.

But we push on! I talk to two people this week who have completely changed their lives from being criminals and drug addicts to functioning artists and inspirational forces in their communities and the world. I talk to Danny Trejo today about his journey from prison and heroin to movies and recovery and tacos. On Thursday I talk to John Swab about his journey from heroin to directing films with a powerful message about addiction and grift. Great talks!

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

Working It Out.

Eating, People.

I don’t know what’s happening in my mind really. I’ve been aggro and impatient and cynically angry and very funny.

I guess it all feeds the same beast. I guess the way I innately gather my thoughts and wrangle them into standup doesn’t change. I have always envied those who write jokes but because of the life or death pressure I put on myself to make broad strokes, find themes, speak truths of some kind, I just could never do it that way. It’s a full immersion experience, at least mentally. Wait, physically too because I eat compulsively when I’m in it. I am in it.

I clearly don’t know how to do it and other way or I just haven’t tried. The last few weeks I’ve been going on stage every night except Sunday and Monday because The Comedy Store isn’t open those nights yet. Just hammering it out. Finding where I stand currently on stage. Figuring out my disposition in light of all that’s happened off stage and in the downtime of the plague and grief. It’s exciting, but I’m a little edgy and a little angry. Though it doesn’t feel like it used too. It isn’t coming from a place of fear or insecurity. It isn’t coming from a place of contempt either. It is grounded in my own sense of acceptance and craft and I believe it is coming out funny. I do have to lubricate it a bit more. Pepper it with some more silly stuff or the tone will get exhausting.

The other night, before I left the stage, I said, “If my tone made you uncomfortable it was on purpose. It’s a character I’m working on called, ‘me, half the time.’”

I have gotten into some hardened mental shape over the last few weeks. I feel ready to stretch out. Ready to do the long sets. Ready to do the searching. Getting out on the ice at Dynasty Typewriter. We’ll see what happens.

So, a few weeks ago my producer, Brendan McDonald, said he was coming out to LA for a few days. I immediately thought it was bad news. Like he was flying out to tell me we were ending the show and he wanted to settle up on stuff. Maybe have a fist fight or something. Turns out it was because Quentin Tarantino was booked on the show and he wanted to be here for it. He also wanted to get the fuck out of NYC for a few days. He hadn’t traveled since the plague receded. He’s only come out for one other talk in the history of the show, Obama. So, I kind of knew this was a big deal. Of course all I could feel was the regular dread I feel before every talk. Will it be a conversation? Do I have to watch all the movies again? How will I get anything new out of a guy that has been talking and talking about himself for a few decades now.

Well, it turned out all of my expectations were off and we had a very engaged chat. I actually really loved the new book so I entered excited. I think he’s always pretty excited. It was a relief and a good time. I’m posting it today.

On Thursday I talk to another prolific and profound director, Steven Soderbergh. I was full of dread about that too (like all of them) because he is so capable and has used so many styles and tones over the years and made some truly great movies. He has some real cajones. And, again, it was a great talk.

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

The Process.

Okay, People…

I guess everything is back to normal? I have no idea what the rules are. Is it business-to-business in terms of masks?

I go some places, like supermarkets, and it seems that masks are still required but seemingly optional for some and no one seems to be enforcing anything. Meanwhile, restaurants are just full on fuck-it out here. I’m fine with it. I’ve been fine with it. I’m vaxxed. I’m all about the fuck it. Also, still about the fuck you to all those who didn’t get vaxxed and are riding on the coattails of the true patriots and bonafide fucking grown-ups who did get jabbed so we could have our freedom back. That’s just the way it goes. On the plus side, it’s now an ‘issue’ they can shut the fuck up about. Babies. They should all be embarrassed.

I’m still on mostly a sugar detox diet and I don’t think I’m losing much weight. I guess I don’t really need to but I wanted to lose a little for something to do I guess. To have some sense of control in these odd times. I can feel the crackle of chaos on the periphery of my consciousness. It’s making me anxious even if I’m making it up. So what better way to combat fear and powerlessness than to diet. It gives me focus, order, discipline, structure and all the tools I need to combat self-judgement and self-hatred. Unless it’s not really working, which it isn’t. So, I’m increasing both.

I’m healthier though. I mean I must be, right? No carbs, very little sugar (not on purpose), no nasty sugar substitutes (aspartame). I must be so much healthier. I eat more nuts than I thought possible, hence the lack of weight loss. It’s better all-around. Except now the binge fantasies are coming, the fires are coming, the economic collapse, all the good stuff. The sugar on my periphery.

I’ve been through all of this before. I think it has something to do with my creative process. I need the slow spiral, the cycles, the discontent, to keep my brain engaged and uncomfortable and agitated. I wouldn’t say I’m doing it on purpose but it seems to be what I do. It’s silly and predictable but I never really see it coming. It always feels fresh.

It’s working. The material is coming and I am engaged and enraged and excited on stage. Weeks ago I wasn’t sure I really wanted to or could do comedy anymore. Now, I’m starting to crave longer sets. I’m running the light at the club and that’s good for me but not a great habit to get into. Pisses off my fellow comics. I’m looking forward to the Dynasty Typewriter shows. I believe there are more tickets available now.

Today I talk to Ellen Burstyn about her long and eventful career in show biz. Great actress. One of the best. On Thursday I talk to Erik Griffin, comedian. We do what we comics do when we talk. Great talks!

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron

The Season.

The heat is here, Folks!

Again, another summer of fire panic is starting.

People wonder why people leave Cali and I believe the reason is primarily fire panic. ‘They’ are saying it’s going to be worse this year than last. I don’t know what is real and what isn’t in terms of speculation but I don’t know how it could be worse short of all of the state burning. That said, I seem to be dug in.

When I considered leaving it had nothing to do with fire, really. It has more to do with roaming hordes of lawless, desperate packs of ragtag people searching for food and shelter and unafraid of torturing and killing anyone who stands in their way even if it’s their own homes.

You know, societal breakdown.

I’m still not convinced that won’t happen. I am still pretty convinced that I will miss my opportunity to get out in time. So, all this to say that I will ride out this fire season with hope and fear and maybe the air won’t become unbreathable again. Here’s to hoping.

I’m sure that I am not the first to think about this angle on UFOs. Since they’ve been in the news a bit because the military is sitting on some images of a few. I don’t think the important question is whether aliens exist or not but why they never stop and hang out. The don’t stop to hurt us. They don’t stop to help us. They don’t stop to refuel or nap. They seem to just hover and split. Like, ‘nope, no need to stop here.’ I think that’s on us. Would you stop at this planet if you could go anywhere else in the universe? Nope.

Today I have a surprising conversation with the actor Anthony Carrigan. He plays NoHo Hank on Barry and he is NOTHING LIKE THAT GUY. I don’t know why that’s surprising but some characters are so good you believe them deeply. On Thursday I talk to David Hidalgo from the band Los Lobos. They are one of the greatest bands ever and make most other bands look like novelty act. It was an honor to chat with him for a bit.

Enjoy!

Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!

Love,
Maron