Mortality, People!
Exciting knowing that we all come to the same end give or take. It’s also the big challenge of life, maybe habit actually, to keep that knowing at bay. You know, so we can function and not be screaming all the time.
I think about it more and more. I guess its age but also because my parents are both ailing now. The tragedy of Lynn dying quickly and too young in front of me basically hammered the fragility of life and the randomness of tragedy into my soul in a very personal way. The aging process and however that unfolds is an entirely different thing. The inevitability is the same. The process, or moment, is the same. It ends.
Kit and I had to go to the emergency room a few nights ago. Somehow, we both got a stomach bug in Canada. I believe I had it too but not as bad. She just couldn’t get out from under the symptoms so eventually we thought we should go to the ER. It’s hard when the person I’m with is sick now. Hard not to panic. Hard to say it will be ok. Lynn and I never got to the emergency room. Not that it would’ve helped necessarily. She didn’t want to go and the morning of the day she passed she was supposed to go to the doctor. Kit had a doctor’s appointment the next day as well but just didn’t feel well so we went to the ER. It was a different choice. I think it healed something in me. It was nuts there.
There were people everywhere with injuries of all kinds, old people being wheeled in, unconscious people, blood and pain everywhere. It was sobering and scary but all very human. The vulnerability of physical trauma is something we will have to share with strangers most likely. We wait for care and hope it is there. ER docs are true heroes.
I had a difficult time being in the hospital. Layers of issues. Going to them when I was kid to see my dad when he was at work. Going on rounds with him. I avoid them now if I can, even to visit people. It’s selfish and totally driven by fear. I have to grow the fuck up and show up.
It was important to take it in. Accept the reality of the fragility of life. Again.
Kit is okay.
I am a little spun.
I am trying to be present in my life despite the profound macro realities that set my brain on fire with fear. I am trying to show up for the people that matter to me. I am trying to combat selfishness and fear.
I saw Pavement on Saturday. They were awesome.
Today I talk to Brett Morgen about his new Bowie doc Moonage Daydream. You should go see it if you love Bowie and/or his music. On Thursday Bradley Whitford comes by for a second time just because he wanted to hang out and talk again. Great talks.
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
Take It In.
