Gratitude, People!
Do it! Now!
I am reluctant and or disconnected from my ability to express or acknowledge gratitude. In relation to my life and the people in it. In relation to what it took me to get to the place I am and let it be a source of active empathy and some selfless engagement. Let it get me to love.
I was in a situation the other night. A good situation. An event. I saw a lot of people there that I have known for years. We are all getting older. Some of us are gone. We’ve all had the lives we’ve had and are having in the industry of show business. I’ve known many, including myself, that went through years and years of lean, searching times. Many of us have come through and, at the very least, arrived at ourselves. Creative people that have actualized their talent, realized its limitations and do amazing things with their creativity.
That’s a fucking miracle. To arrive at yourself with your talent as your sword. To keep it sharp is a whole other job. Many people hire sharpeners. I have my own whetstone. I just like doing the manual labor of me.
It’s not a hero’s journey. It’s just the life of a creative person. The obstacles are insane and sometimes more than half of them are self-generated unintentionally. The odds of making it are slim and long term security is fleeting.
What I’m getting at is that I never really felt that my life was a struggle. It was a compulsive, myopic need to express myself somehow. I struggled here and there with money, drugs and relationships but the core was always about self-expression and becoming me.
Now, I am on the other side of much of what got me here which feels like a cloud of spent dopamine and emotional intensity that went on for years. I am here now. With a good sense of who I am and my talents, usually. I just wanted to take a moment to express some gratitude. I want to thank anyone who is reading this for being there for my journey and I hope my self-expression has brought you… feelings. Whatever they may be or are.
It really wasn’t heading this way for me. So, I just want to take a breath and thank whatever gave me the grace to do what I do. Thanks, cosmic timing, because that’s a lot of it. When the stars align you better be ready to do the work. I was. A lot. Still do. Worker.
There's many people involved in this journey and I grateful to all of them.
Now, I just have to figure out how to have fun.
I’m starting work on this movie tomorrow and it’s a big job. I’m nervous, I think I suck, I think I’m unprepared, I think that everyone on set will know immediately that they made the wrong choice and I don’t believe I can do it. I do know many of these things aren’t true but I have a weird way of preparing that involves beating the shit out of myself. It’s a hostile approach to putting the ego aside.
You’ll notice in many of the upcoming episodes when I talk to actors I’m looking for tricks and tips with thinly veiled desperation. Just a little panic.
I’m grateful though. Maybe even for my panic.
Today I talk to the legendary music producer Joe Boyd about his essential new book ‘And the Roots of Rhythm Remain.’ Thursday I talk to the legendary actor Al Pacino about Al Pacino (and acting).
Enjoy!
Booker, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
