Sad day, Folks.
Today is the second anniversary of the death of Lynn Shelton.
I don’t think I was really thinking about it. At least no more than I do any other day, which is still quite a bit. I was out in the world working, doing stuff. Then on Saturday, my performance was a little heavier, more emotional than the other shows. It was in Royal Oak, Michigan. It was just heavy. I felt the weight of what I was saying. Much of it dark. Some of it about Lynn’s passing. My sadness was barely veiled. When that happens, the job becomes about not falling into it. It’s a tough line to hold sometimes. I was sweating a bit.
When I was flying home yesterday I watched The Intern with Anne Hathaway and Robert DeNiro. I’ve watched it many times. I like it. Guilty pleasure. Apparently, I was crying a lot. The flight attendant asked me if I was okay. It’s not even a sad movie. It’s a touching movie. I also realized that Rene Russo reminded me a lot of Lynn. The tears have to come out somewhere.
It really is horrible that she is gone. My heart goes out to all the people she touched with her work and the people that knew her personally and loved her. There are some days when I think she is better off not being here with the horrible state of everything. That is just me projecting my own sad hopelessness in order to try to control my grief and believe she may be in a better place. I don’t really believe that. She's just gone, forever. The truth is, Lynn loved life. Loved it. She loved to work and eat and laugh and talk to people and make movies and music. She lit the world up wherever she went. She lit me the fuck up and now I struggle to stay lit.
I think about her and how she felt about me and how that made me feel. I think about how it felt to love her. I know that the work I am doing now has a depth and vulnerability to it that wouldn’t have existed with her.
I miss her. I miss what we may have been. It's a terrible place to occupy some days. My life is fine, it’s good. I am okay. I enjoy stuff. I have people in my life. There’s just a sadness and a tugging of an absence that won’t really ever go away I imagine.
Today I have an engaged talk with Sandra Oh. She was very excited to be on. Thursday I talk to Michael Che. I recorded it in NYC a while back. I didn’t really know him. I like that guy.
Enjoy!
Boomer, Monkey and LaFonda live!
Love,
Maron
An Absence.
